I mentioned a while back that Son1 joined the Navy. He is now just about half way done.
Sweetee received a couple short phone calls and some letters. More letters will arrive and at least one more phone call to tell her she is officially a Navy Wife. The time is moving along, although not nearly fast enough for those of us waiting for the trip to go see him graduate from Recruit Training Command.
I've never been to IL and so it will be fun to see a new part of the country. Hubby and I are taking the train and making a real vacation out of it. We are also celebrating out 27th anniversary on the trip home and are stopping off for 4 days in a very special spot where I have a lot of family history.
The train trip itself should be an adventure, as we have reserved a sleeping unit on the train, and that means we'll be in a private compartment for the whole trip. Meals are included. It's another second honeymoon. We try to take one every year, but it's only worked out about half the time. I think this year's is the 15th, so not too shabby.
I am almost as excited about this trip as I was our cruise... Seems a million years ago since our cruise. So much has happened in our lives. I am excited to see our son in uniform and I am super excited to see new places and spend time with hubby... away from home where he can't get called in to work.
This morning I simply feel grateful for my life. I have a fabulous hubby, he is the focus of my heart and time. He is the love of my life. I love my children and am grateful for the blessing to see them grow into adult people that give back to the world. I have a home that is safe and secure. I feel so blessed.
Wednesday, September 29
Thursday, September 23
hummingbird watching
I don't have the energy for much lately, but watching the hummingbird feeder hubby added to our back yard a few weeks ago is always fascinating and fun. I can sit in a lawn chair and hear and see a wondrous ballet and symphony.
Here are just a few of the shots I have taken.
Here are just a few of the shots I have taken.
Sunday, September 19
...on losing a loved one.
Everyone's experience is different, because we are all different. Individual ways of coping, grieving and mourning are also, very often, different. The way I grieve and the way hubby grieves are worlds apart. That doesn't mean either is better or worse. They just are, and they are wildly different.
Each of my children have different ways of grieving... some things they have taken from their father, some things they have taken from me, and some things are very individual to them... just as I am alike/different than my parents... Just as hubby is alike/different than his parents.
Still no matter how different the ways are, grieving happens in every life as a part of living. The grief that accompanies death is one that no one can escape forever. We all lose loved ones. Recently I lost someone I love, someone I grew to love even more as I cared for her for the last 5 months of her life.
On Friday night my mother-in-law passed away. She left this earth very peacefully. She must have, we had a monitor present that caught every sound she made and we didn't hear anything. The first indication I had that their was a problem was when our Tucker woke me up and indicated that "gramma" needed something. It was dark, 11 o'clock.
For the last few month the pups were my alarm system... They knew when mom was awake, when she was anxious, when she was "looking for the exit"... and even when she was starting to get hungry. They gave me little "signs" that I needed to pay closer attention to her needs, and figure out what was wrong... The ability they had to understand her needs, even when she couldn't express them, fascinated me... I found it very comforting that they were the ones that noticed right away that mom had left us... Tucker warned us probably within minutes of mom "crossing over", as she put it to me a few months ago in a conversation we had.
That conversation happened not long after we moved them here. We had been to visit my father-in-law at the facility he resides in, and she said to me in the car going home... "He's dying, you know?" I indicated that I understood that too... but he wasn't worse than he had been so I told her "not for a while probably yet." She stared out the window and after a long pause said... "I'm not afraid of crossing over. I know my Savior, and I am not afraid. When it's time I will be happy." I appreciated her sharing that opinion with me. Within minutes of those comments her "clarity" was gone again.
That conversation has come to my mind several times over the last two weeks... There were occasionally some tense moments for her, but at the very end I believe she was very much at peace.
Earlier this summer I read this quote and it stuck with me:
It was a precious gift to experience the last few months with mom. It wasn't easy... but then, few really worthwhile things are... I am grateful to all who supported us in our efforts to allow mom to stay at home. We feel it was what she truly wanted. She was happy here. She had her "Precious" [Chloe], hubby's presence comforted her a lot... and she was on the whole content. Towards the end there were hospice workers, hired caregivers, friends, and family, that helped in so many ways... too many people to name individually.
I know many of them feel the loss I feel, as well. She was a sweet lady in many ways. She tried so hard to be polite even when she was so confused all the time. In time the pain of loss I feel will fade and the waves of grief will only be light sprays of longing... for a voice I miss, the touch of an aged hand, the joyful laughter and smiles that could light up a room, but are now silent and still...
Loss reminds us to appreciate the ones we still have with us. That is a very good thing to do. So to those that I still hold close: I love you. I appreciate you. Thank you for being a part of my life. I don't say all of those things nearly often enough.
Each of my children have different ways of grieving... some things they have taken from their father, some things they have taken from me, and some things are very individual to them... just as I am alike/different than my parents... Just as hubby is alike/different than his parents.
Still no matter how different the ways are, grieving happens in every life as a part of living. The grief that accompanies death is one that no one can escape forever. We all lose loved ones. Recently I lost someone I love, someone I grew to love even more as I cared for her for the last 5 months of her life.
On Friday night my mother-in-law passed away. She left this earth very peacefully. She must have, we had a monitor present that caught every sound she made and we didn't hear anything. The first indication I had that their was a problem was when our Tucker woke me up and indicated that "gramma" needed something. It was dark, 11 o'clock.
For the last few month the pups were my alarm system... They knew when mom was awake, when she was anxious, when she was "looking for the exit"... and even when she was starting to get hungry. They gave me little "signs" that I needed to pay closer attention to her needs, and figure out what was wrong... The ability they had to understand her needs, even when she couldn't express them, fascinated me... I found it very comforting that they were the ones that noticed right away that mom had left us... Tucker warned us probably within minutes of mom "crossing over", as she put it to me a few months ago in a conversation we had.
That conversation happened not long after we moved them here. We had been to visit my father-in-law at the facility he resides in, and she said to me in the car going home... "He's dying, you know?" I indicated that I understood that too... but he wasn't worse than he had been so I told her "not for a while probably yet." She stared out the window and after a long pause said... "I'm not afraid of crossing over. I know my Savior, and I am not afraid. When it's time I will be happy." I appreciated her sharing that opinion with me. Within minutes of those comments her "clarity" was gone again.
That conversation has come to my mind several times over the last two weeks... There were occasionally some tense moments for her, but at the very end I believe she was very much at peace.
Earlier this summer I read this quote and it stuck with me:
Robert Blatchford, in his book God and My Neighbor, attacked with vigor the accepted Christian beliefs, such as God, Christ, prayer, and immortality. He boldly asserted: “I claim to have proved everything I set out to prove so fully and decisively that no Christian, however great or able he may be, can answer my arguments or shake my case.” He surrounded himself with a wall of skepticism. Then a surprising thing happened. His wall suddenly crumbled to dust. He was left exposed and undefended. Slowly he began to feel his way back to the faith he had scorned and ridiculed. What had caused this profound change in his outlook? His wife died. With a broken heart, he went into the room where all that was mortal of her lay. He looked again at the face he loved so well. Coming out, he said to a friend: “It is she and yet it is not she. Everything has changed. Something that was there before is taken away. She is not the same. What can be gone if it be not the soul?”
Later he wrote: “Death is not what some people imagine. It is only like going into another room. In that other room we shall find … the dear women and men and the sweet children we have loved and lost.” (God and My Neighbor, Chicago: Charles H. Kerr and Co.) ~ Thomas S. Monson, “‘I Know That My Redeemer Lives’,” Ensign, Apr 1990, 2That thought, ~ that mom had just gone into another room ~ a room which I couldn't physically see came to me as I was there in the room and hubby searched for signs of life. Her body still warm for some time yet, but I knew that she, the woman we all knew, loved, and will miss was gone from the room, no one had to tell me. Hubby needed his stethoscope to be medically sure she was gone, but I could feel that she had crossed over.
It was a precious gift to experience the last few months with mom. It wasn't easy... but then, few really worthwhile things are... I am grateful to all who supported us in our efforts to allow mom to stay at home. We feel it was what she truly wanted. She was happy here. She had her "Precious" [Chloe], hubby's presence comforted her a lot... and she was on the whole content. Towards the end there were hospice workers, hired caregivers, friends, and family, that helped in so many ways... too many people to name individually.
I know many of them feel the loss I feel, as well. She was a sweet lady in many ways. She tried so hard to be polite even when she was so confused all the time. In time the pain of loss I feel will fade and the waves of grief will only be light sprays of longing... for a voice I miss, the touch of an aged hand, the joyful laughter and smiles that could light up a room, but are now silent and still...
Loss reminds us to appreciate the ones we still have with us. That is a very good thing to do. So to those that I still hold close: I love you. I appreciate you. Thank you for being a part of my life. I don't say all of those things nearly often enough.
Wednesday, September 15
Strange Truths For Mature Humans
[courtesy of my darling Texas-sister-in-love]
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Budweiser than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Budweiser than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Monday, September 13
to quote...
~ Leo Buscaglia ~
Ancient Egyptians believed
that upon death
that upon death
they would be
asked two questions
asked two questions
and their answers
would determine
would determine
whether they could continue
their journey in the afterlife.
their journey in the afterlife.
The first question was,
"Did you bring joy?"
"Did you bring joy?"
The second was,
"Did you find joy?"
"Did you find joy?"
Thursday, September 9
...grandma's got a "new do"!
Today I took my mother-in-law to have her hair cut. She had a stoke last Sunday and her ability to help me take care of all her grooming needs is more limited and so I felt it necessary to choose something that could be washed and dried from a chair, because showers and baths are a lot harder for her now... It's very short and sassy, and thanks to the magic hands of a good hairdresser/friend here in town she just looks soooo super cute! 
I asked her... "mom can you give me a smile, I want to take your picture", and she said "yes"... then she looked right at the camera and gave me THIS... I chuckled, but she didn't even move a single muscle, until I snapped the shot, she just awaited like that for me to take her picture. 
Honestly I haven't seen her smile since the stroke, so maybe this WAS a smile... but whatever, if I am this beautiful when I am 80, have dementia, and suffer the effect of a stroke I'll count myself lucky. I think she looks really GREAT! Thanks Mary!
I asked her... "mom can you give me a smile, I want to take your picture", and she said "yes"... then she looked right at the camera and gave me THIS... I chuckled, but she didn't even move a single muscle, until I snapped the shot, she just awaited like that for me to take her picture. 
Honestly I haven't seen her smile since the stroke, so maybe this WAS a smile... but whatever, if I am this beautiful when I am 80, have dementia, and suffer the effect of a stroke I'll count myself lucky. I think she looks really GREAT! Thanks Mary!
Friday, September 3
...a picture says a thousand words!
Anyone that knows Hubby knows he dislikes having his picture taken. I have to admit, I am not much better, I tend to see myself as old and fat in pictures any more, so I think, "why?" But he got me this great camera last Christmas so really he shouldn't be surprised that I want to take pictures of him/us.
Monday we had respite care in to take care of MIL and spent the evening with Son1 and Sweetee. Hubby was not going to be able to go down for Son1's "farewell" dinner, the night before he left for boot, so we planned an evening so that Son1 could say goodbye and spend some time with his dad... we had dinner and a fun time together. We were over at the square (downtown), I was snapping random shots trying to get something to put up on my 365, which is behind schedule, and we came to the courthouse steps. They called out "photo-op" so I lined up Son1 and Sweetee first, and this is the cute shot of got of them...
Hubby was less thrilled when I explained I wanted the same pose for us! "You just took pictures of us" he commented. (On Aug 7th, I got a snap of us together when we stopped at a lookout point.) So, the first shot shows his true feelings about pictures, LOL.
But actually the second one is the money shot, because he really is not only a good sport, but a fun date, 27 years, 3 kids and a million kisses later!
All of this is going on with me behind him and Son1 on the shutter... I had no idea. When I started editing the pictures I laughed myself silly.
However did I get so LUCKY to find this wonderful, faithful, good-for-me, man?
All of this is going on with me behind him and Son1 on the shutter... I had no idea. When I started editing the pictures I laughed myself silly.However did I get so LUCKY to find this wonderful, faithful, good-for-me, man?
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