...amendment on the photo journal idea

After a few more email exchanges over the last couple days with some wonderful friends (especially "Phyllis",) and extra encouragement from friends on facebook I have decided to "try" and keep up with the BIGGER project after all... However since it will be so many days of photos, I am starting a new blog for it. I'm calling it:

project 365 pollyanna style...

If you would like to join me, and create your own project, please send me a link to your photos/blog too. I am also backdating a few posts and including more photos from the last few days, so that the blog starts on January 1st. This just makes it easier for me to track where I am in this quest. A link for the project will stay available on the side menu of this main blog.

Thanks to all my friends (and again, especially to Phil) for encouraging me to step outside my comfort zone and try to do this... It should certainly be interesting, for me.

goals...

I have plenty of goals every year, most involve personal improvement... but I don't really make "New Year Resolutions", because it seems too arbitrary to start everything on Jan 1st, just to generally fail. I start and review my goals all year long, and that works for me.

One thing I do find, that often helps me to keep a goal, is that when I share it, I become more invested. So, one goal I would like to share is to train for the equivalent walking of a 10K, on my elliptical. That may not sound like much to some people, but for someone with limited mobility, it's a huge goal.

My max ever (walking on my elliptical unit) is 10100 steps. That is just over 5 miles. (According to my reading the average person my height steps about 2000 times during one mile.) And, a 10K is 6.2 miles.

During 2009 I had a goal to use my elliptical to get to 10000 steps per day. It's so easy to track, but because of my limitations that means more than 2 hours of walking every day, on average. (Even on the elliptical I walk pretty slow...) So my true target number of steps has ended up being about 4500-5000 a day (somewhere between 2-2.5 miles). That's about an hour on the elliptical (but a lot of days I can only manage about 45 minutes, which ends up being just under 4000 steps/2 miles). Added to my other steps, that's not too bad, for me. The main benefit in walking every day is to keep me mobile, to feel better, to lose weight, and to release toxins... did I mention to stay MOBILE...?

Since my hyste last February I have slowly built my way back up to where I was before becoming extremely anemic, hubby's accident and then my surgery. During this coming year, I feel like I want a different goal, something to keep working for. Something besides just walking every day... I am doing pretty good with that, and I am not sure I will ever be able to walk fast enough to manage 10K steps a day... So I thought, "what about an actual 10 kilometer in non-impact steps...?"

Ok, so there is it... by March first I want to have walked an approx 10K... In order to make it easy for me to track, I am going to use the target of 12500 steps... just to be sure I don't short the 10K goal.

Here's hopin' I make it.! If I do... maybe I will try doing it once a month for the rest of the year.? Who knows? I do know it's good to have goals. Now I better get walking for today...

to quote...

--Henry B. Eyring
"You make choices every day and almost every hour that keep you walking in the light or moving away toward darkness. Some of the most important choices are about what you set your heart upon." Walk in the Light, Ensign, May 2008, 123–25

...BUSY week..!

How is it possible my life gets busier every single week?

The last week has been so crazy busy... but productive and good... just so busy that I can hardly remember one that was less so... I got an amazing amount of stuff done, around the house and ticked off so many items off my "to do" list, that is REALLY good... and I am very glad to have more energy lately, but the week has flown by so fast it is a bit scary...

Here it is another Saturday morning with too many thing on my list to do and not enough hours in the day... I have tried to be careful not to push myself faster than I should... putting myself into a energy tailspin is not a good thing and I have learned over the years (and tears) to pace myself very carefully when I feel good...

A list helps me a lot, because I can focus on ONE thing for 15-30 minutes and then... rest... repeat... all through the day... The list helps me see progress (as I am able to check things off and keeps me on target with the next task when I am ready to resume... It is nice to be back to the point again where I see progress more that regression... It has been almost a year since I was feeling this well...

I am REALLY happy with how much I have been able to get accomplished just lately, but I am noticing that my list gets longer every day, instead of shorter... how is that possible...??? he he... oh yeah... LIFE!

Easter...

It's been 2 years since both of my parents passed away within a few weeks of each other... Last year near the 1st anniversary of those events, I wrote about some of my feelings regarding their passing in the spring of 2007... 2 years later, I still miss them both very much... Today I was thinking that the year they both went home to our heavenly Father, Easter Sunday was on April 8th (I will always remember that because my daddy left us that Easter evening...) This year Easter is on a different day of the calendar because of the way that Easter is connected to the cycles of our earth... but the actual calendar day isn't really what is important in my recollections... what is important is that as a Christian I personally recognize the Atonement of the Savior of the world at Easter each year. In fact it is important that I personally recognized the great GIFT that is given me by my Savior each and every day of the year...

Somehow it felt very right that my father went home to our Heavenly Father on the day that we celebrated that gift of the atonement from our Savior in 2007... I realize today that forever in the future Easter will be even more special to me than it used to be... that is because of the connection to Easter of my earthly father's passing. That Easter was the end of many long weeks, months and years of watching them leave us a bit at a time... and knowing that ther were now free of the pain, sorrows and physical limitations they had in this world... and that they had been reunited again...

Easter each year will always be a reminder, to me now more than ever, that my father and mother are not gone from me forever... I will see them again... My parents lived lives of humble service, even while confined at the end by frail bodies... they were very Christlike... They are still those same generous and loving people they were in life... and because of how I miss them now it is my goal to live so that I can be with them again forever... because missing them forever is too much to bear...

This Easter season I am so very very grateful for the loving example of Christlike service that my parents gave me during their lives... I don't often measure up... but their examples give me hope and a mark to reach for. Maybe if I live to be 90 or more, as they did... I can get close to leaving for my own children a similar example??? It is a worthy goal in my estimation...

more wise words...

from Dr Elia Gourgouris' Mormon Times article today:

My point is that we must cherish and celebrate perfection whenever and wherever we find it! But it usually doesn't happen in big ways or even very often in the lives of human beings. It happens in moments, and those moments can become etched in our memories forever.

The problem is that those moments usually come unexpectedly, so we need to be open to recognizing them when they do so fleetingly occur. Oftentimes we are so focused on the tasks at hand, or the desire to force perfection in some other place or time in our lives, that we miss those perfect moments entirely. As a result, our lives can feel like an exercise in frustration, for as surely as we live we will have many more imperfect moments, days, weeks, months and years -- actually a lifetime.

But God does bring us moments. And those moments add up to create a rich and wonderful life. I think that at the end of my life, I'd rather have an imperfect life filled with some perfect moments that I loved and appreciated than a life filled with my own attempts at order and control that led me to miss the gifts that God was setting right before my eyes -- in his time, not mine.

Way too often we (all mortal beings who are certainly less than perfect...) become so focused on what we don't have, haven't yet achieved, and aren't able to do because of sometimes temporary limitations... that we stop seeing "the wonder" which is all around us... We ignore "everyday miracles" and "minor glories"... always wanting the major stuff to happen...

In the last year I have been trying to concentrate on what IS, instead of what isn't. Two things have been apparent to me... first: is that the adversary has done his best to try and confuse and discourage me from this goal by putting a lot of major problems in my way, and trying to force me to look at what isn't happening the way I want... and second: that there are tremendous blessings to witness every single day, just waiting for anyone that focuses on what IS the way "it" is. "It" is the relative variable... "IT" is not as important as recognition of whatever "it" is that is good...

The 13th Article of Faith says:

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things. [italics added]

The one thing I disagree with in the article is that these moments of perfection happen rarely... I personally believe that once we train ourselves to recognize and accept all the good that there is in our lives that we will see daily many moments of near perfection if not complete perfection. As pointed out in the article these moments do not have to last to be perfect... And they do not necessarily have to be maintained by us... only acknowledged... plus I think it helps if they are marked (noted) in a journal... At least that is becoming true in my life... Each day lately I am finding more and more moments to be happy about... My life did not change, in fact in some ways life has gotten harder... but the way I choose to view my life... complete with moments of perfection, joy, happines, faith, and wonder (just to name a few) is changing... It's more of that "PollyAnna in practice" attitude...

avoiding the "lulled into tomorrow" syndrome...

The last 4 weeks have been pretty much a blur of sameness... I haven't bounced back from surgery quite as quickly as I had hoped... but... I think I am finally feeling better... at least I have had less pain the last few days. I am really grateful for that...

To try and keep my mind active and not be lulled into a stupor I have been spending some of my time while recovering working on genealogy... I've been helping a friend with her research... Working together through emails and online chats we hit pay dirt and located major information on 2 of her family's lines... that has been really fun... We also got her 4 generation information entered into the online database at Family Search. Plus, I caught up on all my blog reading, participated in one completed and one newly started personal study goals... spent some time on my journal and wrote some letters... so my time has not been wasted... just a lot less physically active than I want, even for me...

Today I am hoping to get a couple boxes sorted and more than a few things allotted to recycle through donation... this process of getting rid of stuff is going more slowly than I want, we have so much stuff that still needs to go away... But we will get there... I am looking forward to feeling good enough in a few more weeks to start back on house renovations which got stalled last year by preparations for our Princess Bride's wedding (see May 2008)... The floors got finished last summer but not all the painting we had planned got done, because I had too many health issues associated with my need for my recent surgery... so that is also on my list of "to do" and I am getting impatient to get back to those improvements we planned, and already bought the supplies for...

It's pretty certain that in the next few weeks that I will get back to some kind of "normalcy"... Spring is here in our neck of the woods and like everyone else I know I am simply impatient to be actively involved in some kind of "spring cleaning" activity... Not to mention, I really dislike the whole "lulled" thing that happens when you are "waiting" for time to pass... (and when you are waiting for a certain amount of healing to finish happening...) So I fight it, but there is only so much I can do for now...

That doesn't change the fact that I continue to feel glad that I have online resources to do something productive while being so limited physically... I am reminded that that there are always ways to do good and find "joy" in life...

loving a family...

This last week I have been concentrating on some personal improvement efforts, specifically relating to the focus of my efforts in supporting my family better. As children grow up and become adults a parent's roll changes so drastically... but being a parent doesn't stop, and in some ways being the parent of adult children is harder than I imagined it...

Because the desire of my heart is to have my family unit preserved forever I have spent a lot of time recently on my knees in their behalf... I find it easier to pray for others... but in this case I am also praying for myself because eternity without my children and hubby won't be complete... they are the most important people in my life... I am trying to express that better in my words and actions.

10,000 steps...

Someday I WILL meet this goal... I am up to about 3000 a day, since the surgery... so I have a ways to go... Even before surgery, my elliptical machine and I had never found this magical Xanadu... I got pretty close last summer (just over 7400) before my health took another nose dive with the anemia issues, but we never actually found it...

In the last year I have lost some weight that I have been carrying around for years... I have started to concentrate on trying to follow the diabetic diet, to cut out foods that have little nutritional value, no matter how wonderful they taste (sometimes I still have a "taste", but I try not to wallow in these treats...) and I try to walk as much as possible... for me this means getting on the elliptical most days for at least a while... some days it's not very long, because hip pain becomes too overwhelming... but I still keep trying... and I keep looking at the goal...

Walk 10,000 steps a day...

Many doctors are saying that is a key point to lasting and healthy weight management... but that's not really the reason I started trying to reach this goal... I started trying to reach it because as long as I keep walking I won't be confined to a wheel chair... I may carry around a disability and need to use one for exhausting adventures, but mobility issues don't have to stop me dead in my walking tracks... at least not yet... walking is my tool to staying mostly mobile... I regularly lose ground that I have to regain... but so far I am NOT giving up!

choose to be optimistic...

I have become, over the last year, a faithful reader of Dr. Elia Gourgouris' column... I like his take on many issues... I like today's column better than most, even...

It's about choosing to be an optimist... [round of applause inserted here]

I know a little about this topic, because I have practiced this concept for some years... I choose to play "the glad game"... I choose to look at life through rose colored glasses, at least most days... I turn my back on seeing things in a negative light... mostly.

And before someone steps away slowly... seeing me as a silly dreamer, out of touch and perhaps a bit more than daffy... Let me say that I AM realistic... I do not ignore problems, but I choose to look at solutions and hope in the face of challenges... After the initial "WOW" I generally choose to look at the positive side...

As part of that optimism I accept that my Heavenly Father has given me, at times, a larger than average list of health challenges. I have come to the opinion that for whatever reason, these challenges are for my good... because I cannot see the end of my story it would be very easy for me to choose to see only the challenges and become angry and bitter... but it's really not what I face in life that is the important part, it is how I choose to face what is before me.

I invite all I know to join life in the optimist's camp... I also will share that I have discovered that being an optimist takes a lot less energy than being a pessimist. So join in... if only for your energy health.

Monday's musings...

This week will be a busy one... I have a plan in place to get some organization done before surgery later this month. Hubby is back to work in full swing and everyone else is working/in school as well...

I would really like to start baking again too... Hubby has missed the fresh breads. I love making ciabatta, so I think I will start with that today, small loaves make good sandwiches for hubby to take to work (the bread doesn't crumble...) and morning toast is great with this bread... Later this week we have pasta on the menu so I will make some rosemary peasant bread like Macaroni Grill serves.

A couple loafs of multi-grain should fill out the week's needs and keep us all happy... course if we go over to Son1 and Sweetee's on Thursday, I always like to take something to them, their busy schedules don't allow for much baking... maybe another ciabatta baking day on Thursday too?

I feel so happy today... I have learned to just accept this as a gift and not try to analyze these moments... I didn't make it to my aunt's funeral, and that was disappointing, but this morning my personal scripture study was filled with very positive thoughts... I love the gospel... I love my husband and children... I love life.

feasting on the Sabbath...

I will not be making it to church this morning... I am too unsteady. Just making it to the bathroom is enough challenge... today... The anemia is back into the "cautious" ranges... so, I will follow my doctor's orders... stay down... drink my allotted fluids... take my medications like a good little invalid... [insert chuckling] and work on reading the SS/RS lessons for my own edification...

The really good new is that I will still get seriously fed by the spirit today even though I have to miss sacrament meeting... I am planning on watching the CES fireside with President Thomas S. Monson, live, right from the comfort of my bed... (and I can rewatch it on demand as many times as I need to in order to compensate for falling asleep at the drop of hat...) Isn't technology wonderful?

feasting on the Sabbath...

Today is "Fast Sunday" all over the world, and a day of great spiritual feasting and in turn blessings for believing members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints wherever they congregate.

As a life long member I grew up understanding the general idea of fasting but it wasn't actually until severe health issues interfered with my ability to physically fast in a normal way that I really started to appreciate the "Law of the Fast"... Fasting for me today is very different physically than when I was younger and healthy. I am happy to say that fasting is different for me spiritually too... it is much more of a feast because I put so much more of myself into the process.

Beyond fasting, weekly feasting on the Sabbath takes personal effort on the individual's part. Rarely can someone walk into a chapel and passively receive this gift. I know it is possible to feel the spirit passively, for I have had that experience too... but to "feast", one must be an active partaker of that spirit.

I share this Ensign article by Elder C. Elmer Black, “Messages from the Doctrine and Covenants: The Holy Sabbath,” Ensign, Apr 2005, 66–67; as a text to help those that might be looking for such experiences in their lives... Since we will be studying the Doctrine and Covenants and Church History this year I think the article is especially pertinent... As an active member that wants a stronger connection to my Heavenly Father and the Savior I am personally planning to put more effort into my individual study and worship so that the Sabbath becomes a regular feasting day for me, and I can experience a greater personal influence of the Spirit in my life... not the semi-effortless stab at spiritual strength I have sometimes settled for...

A new year is never the only time to make changes... but it can be a time in which we are yearly reminded of new focus, because lesson manuals change nearly every year... At the start of this new year have set a goal to take a greater responsibility for my own spirituality and desire to be fed by the spirit. This year I am not just going to simply put my plate on the table and hope a few crumb fall on it... I am going to ladle on to my plate the gospel courses that we have been given... I am remembering that the number of courses the spirit will fill is only limited by my willingness to dip into each one that is available to me.

The Father and Savior are offering a feast... the question has always been, how much I am willing to eat.