more exercise... and spring reflections...

I am doing well with my exercise/walking goals... the elliptical machine that we have makes it easy for me to walk in any weather... and as I think I have mentioned before, for me it is also idea because when I hit my limit I can just get off the machine and be finished... I don't have to still get home from a walk that I over estimated my strength for... like I do if I am walking in the neighborhood and my energy runs out... Also, I still can't walk for any long distances on terra firma, because of the stress that puts on my body at the point of repeated impact... I can simply walk for a much longer time on the elliptical, and up to my limit any given day... so it makes sense to exercise on it... I will admit a little wistfully though, that walking outdoors in the lovely spring weather we have been having would be awfully nice...

I have been enjoying the beauty of our spring in other ways... sitting on the porch with MightyDog and watching some distant clouds roll along the far off mountain ranges... sometimes there was even a little lightening gathered in those mountains and I see natural beauty and wonder of those storms... We have had some unusually gentle rainy days during which I could open the windows and listen to the raindrop as I took care of whatever chore I was in the middle of snug inside our home... It has been a really beautiful spring so far... and my allergies have been almost none existent... for me, a huge blessing... (unfortunately hubby has not been so fortunate... his allergies have been terrible this year...)

So here it is on another glorious spring day I am forever grateful for the simple joy of sharing time with family... I have enjoyed many beautiful days throughout my life and recently... with various groups of family around me... sometimes during the last few months the whole family has been able to gather... other times there has just been one or two family members involved in an activity, but each time I spend time with hubby and/or my children I feel so blessed and happy...

I note that May is almost gone... I can hardly countenance all the memories that have gone by in the past year... last year during this week of May, we were actually on a cruise, in Alaska... celebrating 25 wonderful, happy, years of love and marriage... We had been working very hard to repair and renovate our home and had very recently celebrated the second marriage in less than 5 months, of our beautiful daughter...

This year we are spending large chunks of our budget to pay off medical debts, instead of weddings, home improvements and anniversary fun... but the one thing that stays constant in my life is the joy and love of family, the blessing of a wise and loving Heavenly Father, and gratitude for understanding of what is important... once again thinking in the quiet early morning hours that life is quite GRAND...

to quote...

~an unknown source

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to slide in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, screaming "HOLY COW, what a ride!"

the joy of monotony...

Life moves whether we want it to or not... it just does. I am glad for that always, but I was thinking that sometimes it is nice to feel like you don't have to be pushing... does that make sense?

Life for our house is moving along... all the kiddos are doing well... at least there are no major issues hitting anyone... and a bit of UN-bored stability feels really nice...

motherhood...

I remember when my children were babies, I thought motherhood was so hard... or at least it was a lot harder than I thought it would be when I was single or a young married woman wanting so much to BE a mother... I had grand and glorious ideas of what motherhood was, and how perfect I would preform my duties as a mother... my ideas were fueled a lot by the seemingly effortless example of my own mother, who was the complete super-mom everyone dreams of being... I had so much to learn... and I know that I still do have an awful lot to learn about being a mother... But I am getting a little better each year at seeing motherhood as a growth process and not a final destination...

Just lately I have realized in a very dynamic way that no matter what stage of motherhood you are in... waiting for children, mothering young children, mothering teenaged children, or mothering adult children it is almost never easy... it was no doubt never meant to be "easy"... for it is, I believe, through the experience of mothering and fathering children during our lives that we learn so much about the love our Heavenly Parents have for us...

I was not an easy child in my teen and young adult years for my own parents... I made choices that I know were hard for them... but they eventually saw me in a happy and faithful marriage with a wonderful man they loved like their own son... with children of my own and living a life that they saw as good... My mother's opinion is one I cherish actually... I am grateful that "she" saw me as a successful wife and mother... but I am not the mother she thought me to be in those years before she passed through the veil we call death... I get closer each year... but I am far from there... and mom was enough of a realist to know I was only getting there... as most mothers do... but she had such great faith in me... and I tried harder because of that faith...

Thinking back to our last years together as mother and daughter, my significant health issues were hard for momma to watch me go though, and she said many times that she wished that she could take them from me... That is the eternal nature of mothering, I suppose... We really want the BEST for our children... they will always be our "babies", in some ways... and we wish against hope that everything could be wonderful more than not...

When difficult times come to our children's lives it can be hard to bear... we each must go through experiences that will refine and temper us to be the kind of people we need to be once we get done living our lives here on earth... Each child and parent will experience scraped knees and bumps and bruises, both physically and emotionally all through their lives. Hopefully these journeys will be made with faith as a constant companion... It has been my experience that spiritual journeys often take us into areas that only we can travel even though we can receive support from many who love us, we must plug along on our own spiritual legs, as it were... and as a parent it is hard to stand aside and allow the process during the most difficult moments... as a child it is hard when your parents must travel the hard road of illness and near death... because it is hard to watch those you love in pain... you want to lift them in their sufferings...

We each have personal travels that only we can make... and often mothers, whose hearts are so tender when it comes to their children are relegated to the lonely position of watching the difficult travels from the sideline without any ability to help along that path, at least not in the way they would like to... Sometimes that is because mothers have learned to accept that children must make some journeys alone... and sometimes that is because our support is not accepted by a child... but either way it is a hard road as a parent to travel...

I am so very very glad to be a mother... to have the relationship I do with each of my children... those that I gave birth to, and those that I have been blessed to love as my own later in their lives... I wouldn't give up this path of mothering for anything... even when my heart has ached... the joys outweigh the sorrows by far... each of my children are a joy in my life and each takes up a spot and makes a difference in my heart that I cannot imagine not having a place for...

Though I am far from a great mother, I think I am a good mother... I know that I love deeply, each child, each heart that has been given or guided to me, to love and mother...

Motherhood has been good to me... I hope that someday it will be said that I was good to the cause of motherhood...

of birthdays, families, and fun...

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard

First of all... my definition of family is pretty large and broad... I know people that I consider "like" family that are not in the narrowest of definitions, family... those extensions of our family were not at the Son2's birthday celebration yesterday... but all the children born into our family and their spouses were together, in our clan's home, for this wonderful happy event...

It was a surprise... one that Son2 evidently didn't catch on to, even though there were many times over the last month of planning we were afraid he did... It was hard to keep the secret without flat out lying to him... I used a lot of phrases like... "I am not sure if..." and "whoever makes it..." since he knew I was making a big birthday meal for his big day and at one point he told me I didn't need to cook a big elaborate dinner just for 3 of us... he he he... Little did he know...

Our efforts were SOOOOO worth the joy and happiness that he shared with having all his siblings here... not to mention the family fun... Saturday evening Princess Bride, Sir Knight got in, in time to go with Son 2 to a movie with a couple of his long time friends... Dinner on Sunday included games after, with his siblings and in-laws and a LOT of laughing and teasing... How fun that ALWAYS is... We even had all the family dogs here together and they had a lot of fun too...

The meal was fabulously delicious... compliments again from some wonderful copy-cat recipes I found online... and amazingly similar to one of our favorite eating spots "Chipotle Mexican Grill"... We had it all, the rice, beans, grilled meat, veggies, lettuce, along with the many salsas, topping it all with guacamole and sour cream... choice of tortillas and how you wanted to add/stack your chosen ingredients... chips and more salsa if desired... Man was the food great... and we did almost all the cooking and prep work in the days before, so the meal was pretty easy to pull together and just lay out in a buffet style setting...

Desert was a birthday "brownie" served with ice cream and a birthday song to my baby boy who is not even close to being a baby any more... but will always be MY little boy... (in the same way I was always something of the little girl my mom knew when we were together...) A child's relationship with parents/siblings... family... is so individual and dynamic... always changing... it is such a marvel to me... and my love for my children grows and grows with each year even as it changes within the dynamics of life and experience... Their choices are of course not always the ones I would choose... but they are working out for themselves their own lives and doing a pretty great job of it, in my estimation, most of the time... They prove me wrong sometimes and I am reminded that experience is not often wasted...

Son2 is leaving in a couple months for boot camp... I have mentioned before that this was a surprising decision for us to hear... it is one we are becoming more accustomed to, and we are certainly proud of his desire to serve his country... As a Marine we will be limited to the amount of time we get to see him over the next few years... (all those HE calls family... which like me, is also pretty extensive...) Limited for what family events he gets to come home for... That is generally true when children leave home, no matter what the circumstance... be it college, a mission, work, or in Son2's case, military life... We will miss him... As his parents we hope he will always know and trust that truth... As much as we know that he needs to be on his own and much as we respect that each of our children need their own lives away from us, this time has come amazingly fast... suddenly almost it will be just the 2 of us again... and there is a part of me that knows life will be just a bit empty once all the chicks have flown...

Though I am finding new adventures to fill my time with as well... [and hubby and I are best friends so it is not a hard sell to spend time together...] my husband and children... my immediate family... will always be the central focus and most important part of who I show my greatest love, support and loyalty to... It is easy to also share my heart and love with others... to share all kinds of experiences with extended family and those that become like family, through deep faith, friendship and challenges... But that core... that "part" of me that is heart-string-tied together through the a lifetime of joys and sometimes bitter tears or fear and grief... who are connected to each other by the bonds of love, blood and marriage, is not ever going to be less important to me than they are right now... As individuals we are none of us even close to perfect, we know that... but as a family unit we are so much greater and stronger as a whole... so good together as a group... That family love grows stronger each time we make an effort to build on it's base... what an amazing gift that is...

Last evening as we laughed, talked and teased each other, I thought about those concepts to myself... regarding happiness, and eternal love... I thought again that, of course families go on forever... they simply HAVE to... and my heart and soul are absolutely sure of that truth the older I get, the more faith I have in that principle... I feel so blessed to have the whole family I do... and blessed to have the hubby and children I do, especially... and also blessed to have a vision of the future and what it can be... perhaps, hopefully... forever...

it's May Day...

When I was a girl we celebrated May Day... I remember May Poles and flower baskets at school and planting seed packets in the flower beds in front of the house with mom...

I remember my older kids celebrating May Day at school when we lived in Utah... but once we moved to Arizona I can't remember any celebrations... I wonder if that is because the desert is so different when it comes to seasons... When they were little we planted a few wild flowers each year... Those days of childhood joys are over with my kiddos, they are all grown up and have moved on to their own lives... but it is nice on this beautiful spring Friday to remember May Days of the past...

And to remember that it's May Day... I thought it would be fun to send a some flowers out to loved ones everywhere!