dancing "on" the stars...

A couple years ago, (it's been almost 2 years now,) when my daddy passed away, he followed momma by only 5 weeks... While it is hard to lose loved ones, and to have their deaths especially so close together, was a challenge logistically... the image I carried through daddy's funeral and in the days following was one of them dancing on the stars, that same image has struck me many times since... I think one of the reason's momma's passing was harder for me is because I felt how deeply their hearts were connected after 71+ yrs... and I was so glad for them... when they were together again...

Yesterday, momma's sister joined her hubby, to "dance together" in the next life... She has been many year without her hubby and I know she has missed him dearly... In the family email announcing her passing, her family expressed happiness because they know that she was so joyful to be with not just their father and grandfather... but also many other loved ones again... And for a few minutes I spent some time reflecting on her life of example and graceful elegance, which she leaves as a legacy... My aunt was an angel of light even while she was limited by this earth's gravity pull... She had a way of making her extended family feel that she loved you way better than you deserved, but that just made you want to be better... it never left me feeling guilty for accepting that love... and she was generous with her love and desire to welcome all into her home and life... I believe she will be remembered by all as a great person of Christlike inclusion and acceptance.

I don't know when the celebrations in heaven begin for a soul that moves from this life into the next, but I know how much my momma loves her family and I know she was very glad to welcome home her little sister... and I can almost hear the conversations and the joyful expressions as they visit again... listening to my aunt the last time I saw her (about 5 months ago) was like hearing my own mother's voice again... there were similar vocal inflections, and common phrases... and their actual voices sounded a lot like my grandmother (all the girls do some...) there were 5 girls in that family, and they all carry a grace and internal beauty they learned from grandma... Every member of momma's family is a treasure to the extended posterity, we have a rich heritage and a strong family bond...

As I try to find a way to make it to the funeral this week I am reminded of how much it meant to all of us when some of my cousins were able to make my mother's funeral... I want so much to be able to give that same support to my aunt's family... However these are not sad days ahead... like many family gatherings in years past... my aunt's funeral will be a celebration of her life and a chance for her family, and some of the extension branches. to shed some small tears because... oh how she will be missed... but mostly to remember the joy with which she lived her life... and to express externally the fact that we all feel so glad for her to again be with her beloved and... dancing on the stars...

pollyisms to live by:

Yesterday I spent a couple hours washing all our clothes at a laundromat because the washer is having a major problem... this brings up a pollyism to live by...

I can be so very glad that I don't live in a bad part of town in a big city...

The people in that laundromat were scary... not because of the way they looked, but because of the way they talked... most were extremely offensive in their language... saying terrible things to each other and small children that I would not dream of repeating... and this is in a quiet, relatively safe, small town... I sure wouldn't like to be in a worse place... so here is another pollyism...

I am GLAD I am sheltered...

What a horrible experience... before I have to do laundry again we have to get this washer fixed~!

UPDATE: (Jan 30th ~ 4pm) I have a brand new washer... Costco stands firmly behind the products they sell, so even though the manufacture tried to pay games... and was not standing behind their warranty we were covered beyond my expectations. The problem was a fluky assembly defect that should not have ever happened... and we will certainly hope for the best that the new washer will last a very long time...

the few, the proud, the [mom] tears....

I am more than a little surprised to be adjusting to the roll of "Marine Mom..." Honestly I never once considered that I would EVER be one... the Navy was once something Son1 considered, as a way after his mission to get schooling covered... even the possibly of Military Reserve stints of some kind was something hubby and I saw as a possibility for any of our sons, or "adopted sons" at some time in their lives... so I do not object to military service... In fact I have great respect for all the wonderful men and women who serve in our armed forces... I know that many service men and women complete difficult and arduous jobs daily to keep our country safe... I have had many friends in the past, and have a few currently, who are serving in one branch of the military or another... but the Marines are a whole level of intensity that I never considered for my sons, even once... especially when Son2's personality is the focus of consideration...

Son2 has always been my "pacifist" child... he has always made fun of those that were "joiners" (of practically anything, when he was in HS)... and he is my artist... has the heart of a creator, not what I would ever have seen as a warrior, but I guess I missed a part of him that has been there, all along, just less visible. He has a burning desire to serve his country and he wants to do it right now, so that is what he is doing.

He passed his physical last week after his medical records were very carefully reviewed... since he is a lightning survivor... there was a need to obtain pre-approval, to even send him down for a physical from the recruiters office... and no one he talked to had ever met a survivor before... so he got a chance to recount the story more times than he wanted, I'm sure... But he is in good physical shape and has no trouble already passing the boot requirements, (pull-up, sit-up, and running minimums...) and he is training to become even stronger before entering...

He is waiting currently on the process, to find out what his ship date will be, and which of his education/training choices will be his future... so there are still many questions... but he is in, and working on what he can do to get ready for the very strenuous physical life of a Marine.

A year ago his goal was submitting his mission paperwork at this juncture in his life... and I would be a liar if I did not admit that this change in his plans over the last weeks has taken me some time to adjust to... Still, we love him and pray for his happiness and success as any parent does their child, even when they don't completely understand their choices... We also hope and encourage him that as he moves forward he will remember his faith and commitment to following the Commandments of God at all times. That he will be a good example to those he serves with and perhaps in that way be a missionary to his future friends in the military.

I take comfort that not every person's life follows the same path, and I certainly know that mine did not fit many of the "molds" I imagined I would fill when I was younger... I am learning to allow my children to find their own paths... it's a hard task... this letting go of adult children... I don't suppose parents ever really get used to it... even if you have a dozen kids...

juggling the ugly realities

Well, the medical bills have found us... in triplicate...

Now begins the process of getting everyone paid in a timely manner, without putting our budget in the toilet...

We have done okay with the past 2 month's lack of income, because we had saved for this rainy day... and as far as paying normal bills and staying a float, we are okay there... but we didn't plan ahead well enough for the level of debt we would be left with once the insurance got done, and in the face of loss work not covered by separate insurance contingencies, we have unexpected short falls... Deductibles and co-pays can be quite large and in this case were... So, this time we need to juggle, way more than we thought we would need to... [In light of this, I am encouraging everyone to look carefully at every insurance policy you have and read ALL the fine print and then ask a lot of extra pointed questions... Because what you think is covered, may not be...]

Our current reality means calling each medical provider (and there are a significant number of individual bills... it seems everyone, from every specialty and separate lab, bills individually from the other providers... even though almost all the services were performed at the hospital...) Anyway, understanding that each of these providers need to be treated fairly and paid something... we need to set up payment plans with each, because we really want to be fair and honest... unfortunately a few providers are not very willing to be patient, and a few don't care if anyone else gets paid... they want everything, now... so there is some unpleasantness associated with this process...

In the meantime, at least hubby is working again, so we can pay these bills in a timely manner... and I don't think our reputations will be permanently scarred... not to mention, I personally sleep just fine, because I know we ARE attempting to be fair, honest, and monetarily diligent with each provider.

feasting on the Sabbath...

This morning during my own personal study time I came across the following quote, I submit it here for consideration and remind myself to pay closer attention to this counsel.

"Closely related to our own obligation to repent is the generosity of letting others do the same...In this we participate in the very essence of the Atonement of Jesus Christ...We don't want God to remember our sins, so there is something fundamentally wrong in our relentlessly trying to remember others' sins...It is one of those ironies of godhood that in order to find peace, the offended as well as the offender must engage the principle of forgiveness."

--Jeffrey R. Holland, "The Peaceable Things of the Kingdom", Ensign, Nov. 1996, 82

to quote...

~Douglas Adams

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

[This quote has ALWAYS cracked me up since I first read it... it reflects my life...]

new look again

It's time for a new look again... and this whimsical background with ladybugs suited me today...

to quote...

~ Henry David Thoreau

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

a truly amazing hubby...

Hubby has recovered in much less time than anyone could have predicted... not only did he get his braces off yesterday, but the doctor released him to work, with no restriction. Well, he can't run and jump yet, but that isn't something he would do at work anyway... and his facility is very smart, they don't lift patient manually and all the beds are raised, etc... So he doesn't need to be able to kneel or lift... This means he is returning to work more than a month earlier than any of his doctors thought it was humanly possible to return... All the predictions were from 3-6 months... no one thought less than 3 months was even something to hope for... except hubby... he kept saying, "once I can walk on the fractures again, I will be good in one week..." Yesterday's release is certainly true to that goal...

Again we have seen the hand of miraculous healing in his behalf... he has NO play in the tendons in his knees... his surgeon who repairs hundreds of knees every year, thought that was really something... and he commented on how hard it is to get the tension just right on multiple tendon replacements and considering how many tendons hubby had replaced the surgeon was very surprised with the amazingly tight joints that hubby is already presenting, just 8 weeks after surgery... Hubby's knees are pretty close to as tight as though the tendons were not damaged as far as his flex from side to side is concerned. This should be very tight and hubby's IS... and those tendons may even be stronger than before the accident... he isn't a really young buck any more...

Building strength back in his leg muscles and building up his normal endurance will take some time... but he is doing great at working on that and only needs the cane for support... Just getting back to normal life will facilitate the rest of his recovery for him and he will continue to exercise... He has to readjust his sleeping schedule to days again... because he works nights, but we both feel he will get some extra help with that too... he plan is to start back on his normal schedule soon... He will work on retraining his brain to sleep days over the next 2 nights and will be returning to work on Thursday night...

We are both so happy and feel like the windows of heaven have opened up on us... that is a tremendous feeling... We thank every family member, friend and/or stranger that prayed for hubby's recovery... this whole event from start to finish has truly been a miracle and we are completely humbled to have been granted so great a blessing, especially when we know that so many others suffer great losses in the midst of our joy...

I just had to share the GREAT news.. and now we are headed to the temple with some of our kids to celebrate this great blessing!!!

a few worthy suggestions...

I mentioned earlier in my posts that one of my goals for 2009 was to take more personally the admonition to study the gospel... More specifically I want to more fully bring the spirit into my own life and our home and I want to do that with more enthusiasm... I am doing well so far this year on my follow through... I am currently one day ahead on my personal scripture study... I have found greater comfort in prayer, and I am finding peace in my limitations, by seeking out that which lifts me up...

I wanted to share with my extended family members and of course friends... free services I have found useful and that help impart these goals... partially as a way to help others bring more of the joy of the gospel into their own homes... Here are a few helping hands I have found and used over the months and years that have helped me... some are still helping me... For me, most of these are tried and true resources:

LDS Living ~ weekly lessons for FHE...

These lessons can be adapted for any family age and even include refreshment recipes... I first started getting these weekly emailed lessons after my children were already mostly grown, and have not really used them myself, but I know a lot of young moms that do... and I share this because I love the ease with which today's family could have a lesson ready using this service.

Read The Scriptures

Daily or weekly reading schedules by email immediately, with audio links included for the scripture... I have been using this for several years to keep on track with my personal and at times team reading goals.

LDS Living ~ a safe email choice

With all the advantages of Gmail, (as far as size and features) but better filters to catch spam, so that you don't even see it in your spam folder. I have been very happy with this service and am slowing transferring many of my email needs over... One very smart thing I have done is create throw my away accounts here and then I forward to one main account... throw away accounts are the ones you give out to websites when you have to give out an email address, or sign up... This has greatly decreased the amount of spam I get...

LDS Gems

Inspirational quotes from the official church website. There are several choices of when and what type of "gems" you want to receive in your email. I have been getting daily gems for many years.

LDS Journal

Help to put your personal journal goals into a realistic form... I am in the process of gathering all my scattered journals and personal writings into one place and I am using this service to do it... You can even self publish.

look ma... no braces...

Hubby sees the doctor on Monday, but has already been exercising on the elliptical for a week without the braces... this is allowed... the exercise is a controlled movement, and he takes it in stages... 20 minute cycles seem to work the best... He puts either a movie in or listens to music, podcasts, or books...

He is going to ask the doctor about returning to work earlier than expected... he has more faith in that being allowed than I do... but we'll see...

I am very glad that he is doing so well... I am proud of him for working so hard to get strong again and for being so willing to follow orders and get "really" well... it's just that now that light is at the end of the tunnel I worry a bit that he is pushing... Not that I know anything about THAT! [insert laughter here!]

the road to recovery...

is SWEET...

just ask hubby after a great workout on the elliptical machine.......

we're walking... we're walking...

Hubby finally gets to put his full weight on his right leg now. It's been 7 weeks since the accident... and he sort of pushed his doctor's orders to start walking on the leg yesterday... Rehab to build his walking strength begins in earnest with this new motivation to move... Not really surprising to those that know him is the fact that walking with a walker is too slow for him already... and he has found that he is OK with a good sturdy cane, at least around the house... It is so good to know that he feels strong and able to already use a cane... at least until next week when he sees the doctor and gets the braces removed... then we will need to review just how stable he feels with only a cane... but in any event the wheelchair is already a thing of the past for him and his rehab energy will be in full throttle today... He will have a full 3 hours of exercise once the day starts and everyday to come will build as rapidly as he is allowed. Walking, lifting, and bending those knees into submission, forcing his atrophied muscles to gain the strength they need as mobile appendages again. As a nurse he walks upwards of 20,000 steps a shift... and he wears a pedometer normally, so he has a lofty week-by-week goal program for increasing his steps.

One unexpected reality for hubby has been and still is, that he gets worn out fast when doing minor tasks, things he took for granted before... This was NOT what he was expecting... don't ask me why... he certainly has enough experience with others who have faced disabling factors... He is very patient with me when I have set backs in my energy levels... I suppose it is because he is a determined and strong person, and has never needed to be dependent before... I know I always feel that I should be able to do more than I am able to, every time I go through a bad spell... It is not natural to give up your independence and I am really happy for hubby that this is a temporary condition.

Anyway, hubby thought he could just mind over matter this challenge once he was allowed to walk... and to some extent he will... but this has been slower going than he was expecting. Little does one (who has never faced such challenges before) know what hard work it is to allow your body to heal and then regain lost strength... That whole healing process takes a lot more energy than hubby actually understood before... I mean, he knew all the theories and had read the studies that show calorie input vs. output, etc... but it is different to experience the process...

I suspect he will be an even better nurse for having had this experience...

feasting on the Sabbath...

I will not be making it to church this morning... I am too unsteady. Just making it to the bathroom is enough challenge... today... The anemia is back into the "cautious" ranges... so, I will follow my doctor's orders... stay down... drink my allotted fluids... take my medications like a good little invalid... [insert chuckling] and work on reading the SS/RS lessons for my own edification...

The really good new is that I will still get seriously fed by the spirit today even though I have to miss sacrament meeting... I am planning on watching the CES fireside with President Thomas S. Monson, live, right from the comfort of my bed... (and I can rewatch it on demand as many times as I need to in order to compensate for falling asleep at the drop of hat...) Isn't technology wonderful?

Polly sings the blues...

I started out at 6 am after a very restless night, having a blue day... I definitely woke up on the crabby side of the bed... but I finally got a clue and started reading my scriptures... (thanks to an online friend that teamed up with me, and has helped me get motivated to finally start a new personal study schedule for 2009...)

That lead to morning prayer which lead me to think about a couple family names that I need to look into more closely, to see if I can connect a possible source that was forwarded to me by another researcher a few weeks ago.

This was just the "think" I needed to pull me out of my doll-drum... a project in a field that I love... (well that and a few Maxine jokes can't hurt...) You know... I may just be feeling a case of "family-file genealogy-wallowing" coming on... he he... I suppose I really should feel bad about the dishes that won't get done today... on the other hand hubby will probably be up to handling that chore, and he is always wanting to help out more around here anyway... Then maybe I can pull him in... to join me for some "research wallowing" too...

a top 10...

This morning in my reading I was completely taken in and encouraged by an article at Mormon Times called Faith vs. the fear factor. Check it out... I think you will be glad...

Because of the article I changed my mind about posting a top ten list... It seems like this time of year all the big name news sites have one... so in the interest of reminding myself of the blessing of faith in my life, I am posting a list of events and experiences that have either helped me to keep my faith strong or have helped me gain greater 'faith insights"...

my top 10 faith promoters of 2008

10 * Watching the majesty of a tremendous glacier fulfilling the measure of it's creation... all the while my mind was gaining a greater understanding of the truths I know about the Father and Son's rolls in the creation of this marvelous place we call earth.
9 * Seeing a lost "sister" find her way back into the fold of the Savior, and watching her feel loved again...
8 * Finding through a "chance encounter" a new outlet for my limited energies (and providing me with a stimulating way to serve others from home)...
7 * Having a friend just know I needed her physical help on a very bad day and having her offer it... out of the blue... yet again a reminder that God sees even the smallest sparrow...
6 * Watching my children work through their own hard challenges...
5 * Feeling my parent's "other-side-of-the-veil presence" at some very sacred family times over the last year...
4 * Witnessing more than a few "miracles of the fishes" events within our extended family...
3 * Sharing the joy of the of new families with my two oldest children and being able to attend the temple with each of them and their spouses, a few times over the year.
2 * The joyful completion of the 1st-25 wonderful years of marriage with my fabulously faithful and loving hubby! (25 behind us... but an eternity to go! Hurray for ETERNITY!)

............and............

1 * Hubby's amazing (and miraculous) survival and initial recovery of what very easily could have been a tragic and/or fatal accident 6 weeks ago, and then realizing during a very poignant moment that even if the worst had happened that our relationship would survive the separation, because we are truly eternal companions... (I was, during those early days, reminded often that families ARE forever, and carried by the Lord's spirit of peace and love.)

rehab and Monday musings...

It's Monday again... one more week has passed in hubby's recovery process... he is doing great in that area... but very anxious for the last week of non-weight bearing limits to pass. He wants back on the job... he misses his normal routines and responsibilities... He really loves his responsibilities in nursing, and misses his staff and patients, as much as the joy of being busy and useful. Everyone at his workplace miss him too and are praying very diligently for his speedy return...

Hubby managed a trip in to visit work last week for the first time since the accident and now he just can't WAIT to get on the elliptical cross-trainer that we have in the family room (not till next week though)... We got the this wonderful piece of exercise equipment a few years ago to help me especially with my mobility issues... and who could have predicted what a blessing it would be to hubby at this time in his life... Having it will mean that he will be able to regain his mobility with less inconvenience... because he will be able to complete most of his rehab at home, and won't have to try and find people to drive him to multiple weekly appointments while he is gaining his strength and independence. (I will post a picture next week as soon as he can start using it.)

I am unfortunately headed for another down cycle over the next 2 weeks, but I am really hoping that it may be my last one... The current plan is for my hysterectomy to be completed by the end of February, and unless there are unforeseen complications my doctor believes that I should be doing much better in about 10-12 weeks. That is what I am hanging on to right now... and believe me when you look at treatment in terms of months and years, a few more weeks actually seem like a small time frame... There is the expectation that many concerns that are forefront in my health right now are directly related to my need for this surgery...

In the mean time I am still working on sorting, filing, dejunking and giving unneeded items away from a seated position... That is... in between my many daily naps... [wink-wink]

feasting on the Sabbath...

Today is "Fast Sunday" all over the world, and a day of great spiritual feasting and in turn blessings for believing members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints wherever they congregate.

As a life long member I grew up understanding the general idea of fasting but it wasn't actually until severe health issues interfered with my ability to physically fast in a normal way that I really started to appreciate the "Law of the Fast"... Fasting for me today is very different physically than when I was younger and healthy. I am happy to say that fasting is different for me spiritually too... it is much more of a feast because I put so much more of myself into the process.

Beyond fasting, weekly feasting on the Sabbath takes personal effort on the individual's part. Rarely can someone walk into a chapel and passively receive this gift. I know it is possible to feel the spirit passively, for I have had that experience too... but to "feast", one must be an active partaker of that spirit.

I share this Ensign article by Elder C. Elmer Black, “Messages from the Doctrine and Covenants: The Holy Sabbath,” Ensign, Apr 2005, 66–67; as a text to help those that might be looking for such experiences in their lives... Since we will be studying the Doctrine and Covenants and Church History this year I think the article is especially pertinent... As an active member that wants a stronger connection to my Heavenly Father and the Savior I am personally planning to put more effort into my individual study and worship so that the Sabbath becomes a regular feasting day for me, and I can experience a greater personal influence of the Spirit in my life... not the semi-effortless stab at spiritual strength I have sometimes settled for...

A new year is never the only time to make changes... but it can be a time in which we are yearly reminded of new focus, because lesson manuals change nearly every year... At the start of this new year have set a goal to take a greater responsibility for my own spirituality and desire to be fed by the spirit. This year I am not just going to simply put my plate on the table and hope a few crumb fall on it... I am going to ladle on to my plate the gospel courses that we have been given... I am remembering that the number of courses the spirit will fill is only limited by my willingness to dip into each one that is available to me.

The Father and Savior are offering a feast... the question has always been, how much I am willing to eat.

welcoming the new year...

We did the official welcome quietly on New Year's Eve, just the two of us [hubby and I]. We were actually up until after midnight for a change... and watched movies/ate snacks together... it was nice... Then last evening Son1 and Sweetee brought dinner out to our home to share with us and we enjoyed a family gathering [not quite complete as Princess Bride and Sir Knight were not here, although hubby and I both spent a while talking to PB on the phone earlier in the day...] But even though we were not all here it was a great day/evening.

We played "iMAgiNiff" [Son1 and Sweetee had played it before, but it was a new game for us, they got for Christmas and brought it with them...] and then we played Yatzee [a game that hubby and I play a lot...] In writing this I just realized that Son1 "won" both games... but last night I never gave that any thought, and no one else mentioned it, so I am not sure anyone else noticed either... we just had so much fun together, and we laughed... a whole lot... Son2 and Son1 have a good level of camaraderie and Sweetee and hubby both have ways to get everyone laughing. I enjoyed just having a house full of our family for an evening. It happens less and less often as the kids are all so busy normally with school, jobs, and real life... Don't get me wrong, we are in contact all the time, but being under one roof happens less than any of us would like these days.

Here it is, another week almost gone and Sweetee goes back to her teaching responsibilities on Monday... so the opportunities will be harder to find again... I just wanted to wallow for a minute and remind myself of how fun our family is... We like to be together... we like to play... I am so glad that we took the chance last night... Is was a bit like the old days when the house was full of the kid's friends [our adopteds]... We need to plan an evening soon with the whole family and play games again... It's hard to get us all together, but not impossible, we definitely need to keeping trying to do that.

Still I didn't want to forget to mention that last night was a GREAT way to start a new year!