adrenaline crash...

For days I ran on adrenaline... that is over... I am now stuck far from home and exhausted... We have felt all the prayers said for us... Still we have a very long road ahead... I hope I find some energy somewhere... Right now I just feel unplugged...

one last marriage quote this month...

A marriage is a gift. It should be opened up and enjoyed.

~ Greg Evans; American Writer

making terrific progress

Two surgeries and several days from the accident we have much to be grateful for on this Friday after Thanksgiving...

Hubby is becoming an impatient patient, which is not the worse thing in the world... He is now transferring from the bed to the wheelchair for mobility and using the walker to stablize himself... he will be going to the rehab on Monday (this is updated info on Nov 29th...) no change on location due to the inability to authorize insurance information for rehab... so we can't start that process till then... He is been limited beyond his wishes by these injuries... would like to start moving through this process a LOT faster... but I have no doubt that he will plow through whatever they will allow, ASAP...

What has not changed is that he is doing better all the time and we appreciate ALL the prayers and love sent our way...

another marriage quote...

Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day.

~ Barbara De Angelis; American Expert on Relationship & Love, Author

playing the game in earnest...

my gratitude list is HUGE this morning... First and foremost I am grateful for the mercy of the Lord in protecting hubby through this accident. Accordingly we understand the many miracles that have already touched us in the last 36 hours... I am so grateful for my children's help and for the out pouring of love and support we have recieved. thanks to everyone that have messaged our family. I am so grateful for ways to stay connected in a hospital environment, which can be a real challenge. between my kindle and cell phone we have been able to get help requests and info in and out. right now sleep for hubby while waiting for surgery is the order of the day... I am holding my own... again, thanks to everyone... especially family, friends and hubby's work associates that have picked up the pieces that we can't...

very very blessed...

no internal injuries, and no concussion. he is scheduled for double knee surgery to repair damage to several tendons. some fractures and road rash, overall so much better than it could have been. he's had a blessing and is resting pretty comfortably now.

waiting after an accident...

Hubby was in an accident this morning on his scooter coming home from work. Serious but not life threatening, he was life-flighted to a Phoenix Hospital... he is in better shape than we have any reason to have hoped for... All prayers are appreciated.

back to the basics of gratitude and faith...

The trip to see hubby's parents took a lot more out of me than even I was anticipating... and my current health issue associated with being female, over 50 and having a body out of whack is rearing it's ugly head again... those things set me up for already feeling less able to handle outside stresses... so last week when we learned that Sir Knight is among the many in our state facing new job losses, it hit me harder than it might if I was feeling better physically... As a new employee still in his probation period he was bound to be cut no matter what... and they as a family were certainly were not alone in their loss... we have heard that over 700 people have already been cut in that company alone in about one week, which is going to hit that small town area's economy VERY hard... and there will probably be more cuts... So Princess Bride and Sir Knight are scrambling to adjust and are "retrenching" as they say... A new game plan is in the works for them... I am really pleased with how they are handling themselves with faith and fortitude... They have sought the Lord in all their plans.

Despite that news... I am even more convinced that the already funded bailout that the government continues to mishandle... and new ones that they are being asked for are WRONG and very BAD ideas for our country... mostly I believe in the long run it will make this all worse... that these crisis will last longer and cost more... When your boat is sinking you don't bail water IN to save yourself...

Anyway there didn't seem to be much but bad news to share even within my own life... and so I have avoided writing... then last night during family prayer as hubby was vocalizing our shared thoughts [through what I thought was amazing levels of inspiration... since we had not talked about these things before prayer...] I was impressed to look outside our family's challenges at the challenges of others... people just barely in my circle... and I was reminded how blessed we are... We are feeling the effects of the economy like everyone else, and we have some challenges others do not face... but we are not unable to meet our obligations and we are able to show love as a family in a very positive and hands on way right now, amd within our family circle we are not plagued with some of the family bitterness from hubby's parents that we have had in past years... that is something of a miracle actually... no matter how personally challenging our current lot of troubles are... we have much love within our family and many blessings others do not enjoy...

As a family I am encouraging everyone that hears me as a matriarch to buckle themselves more solidly back into the basics... to see all that we ARE already blessed with and to stay positive and reach deep for that faith we all need to keep at the ready right now... As we pray together and for each other we are united and more able to help each other with the challenges we do face...

I am especially grateful for hubby this morning as he actively leads our family in righteousness... through his own life and example he consistantly shows his faithful trust in the Lord... I am reminded of all the things I saw in him more that 25 years ago when we first met and of all the times he has sought the Lord to lead us over those many years, all the hard but right choices we have made together. The Lord is constantly blessing our family for hubby's faith and willingness to never wallow in fear and doubt... I must never forget that... As hubby reminded me last evening... the Lord is more than in charge, He actively blesses all and that we will recognize that if we will see through whatever "fog" we are personally facing...

more wise words on marriage...

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

~Anonymous

loving the unlovable...

I've been thinking about this idea since our church meetings this last Sunday. There were a couple of comments that were made in Relief Society that started me thinking about this idea.

I know that there are some people that are "less lovable" at times of their lives... but I started wondering... are there people that are and stay "unlovable" for always? A few sisters in my ward seem to think so... Maybe I just have not met anyone that difficult to love... but I always thought that everyone had some sort of lovable attribute... at the very least one, and usually several...

I have known teens that made it really hard to love them... I have siblings that have attributes that are difficult for me to connect with, and I've had times during my life when I didn't get along with my parents and in-laws... I also recognize that there are many people in my ward, stake and extended community that I don't have much in common with and that I don't particularly care for even... but they appear to have friends and are lovable to some other people... so I never thought of them as unlovable... but Sunday last, 2 different people mentioned that they knew completely "unlovable individuals"... people that had no apparent friends, and were so caustic around others that they seemed to have no one that even wanted to communicate with them, and that they felt some less lovable people can become unlovable by not trying to be more likable to those around them...

This was honestly one of the most depressing thoughts I have ever heard of. I started wondering... isn't loving others a choice in many instances of our lives? Isn't it better, at the very least, to tolerate with patience and love those we view as less lovable, rather than risk being considered not worth the effort to love by our Savior, when it comes to loving the parts He finds less lovable about us?

These thoughts and concepts have been on my mind a lot the last few days... and I am working through my own personal struggle with this... and especially as it effect my husband and children... trying harder to accept and even learn to love what is less lovable about those in my circle of life and love... I am not completely sure how this will turn out, but the effort feels essential to MY salvation... I really do not see it as important to those who may I view, as having less lovable attributes, some days... I need to learn to love the way the Lord loves me... warts and all...

wise words on marriage...

A happy marriage perhaps represents the ideal of human relationship -- a setting in which each partner, while acknowledging the need of the other, feels free to be what he or she by nature is: a relationship in which instinct as well as intellect can find expression; in which giving and taking are equal; in which each accepts the other, and I confronts Thou.

~Anthony Storr; British Psychiatrist

a movie review... kind of...

While we were traveling we saw the movie "Fireproof"... I really liked it... but more importantly I liked the idea of a "Love Dare" effort to show love to your spouse... BUT, I think this idea should be done even before your marriage is in trouble... Personally, I suspect that most of us should practice this idea on a rotating basis regularly... because all marriages certainly benefit from the practice of investing more into the relationship.

While I don't need to purchase a book to follow this plan... I did decide to make up a schedule of my own... complete with daily plans and scriptures that will help me focus on hubby and his needs... currently I am working on this week I will add to it and repeat them, after I get the 6 week base. I however decided to put my reminders into a "calendar" on my iGoogle so that every day I get the reminder first thing in the morning. Another minor change in my focus is that I am following a 6 week plan instead of 40 days (which is 5.7+ weeks)... I understand the 40 day idea, as in... "Christ's 40 day fast"... I recognize that missionary work in my ward and stake has also benefited from such a 40 day focus, and that biblical reference shows that there is a legitimate reason to use such a time frame... For most people 40 days is probably an ideal time... but for me "exactly 6 weeks" is key to successful changes in my life patterns, for some reason I need 42 days... I think some people's hard wiring may a bit different, or slower... and at least for me that is true...

So what ever works for you I say... do that... [OH... and if you have NOT seen this movie, see it... at least when it comes out on DVD... it is well done, positive and not nearly as preachy as I expected it to be... I give it 3 1/2 stars out of 5...]

holding hands...

I really like Laura Brotherson. Her writings make sense to me... The "linked to article" I have included here is a good example. Her book "And They Were Not Ashamed:" is another good example. I am hardly the expert she is on relationships... and I am not really going to focus on the two topics I linked to here... With my post today I have decided to focus on one that to me is just as important as the definition of marriage, or marital fidelity and intimacy because I believe that daily, loving expressions of selflessness are the backbone of my very happy/good marriage...

During our "love month", I want to comment on the need for daily physical connections in marriage, and especially appropriate public displays of affection. One of the things that hubby and I enjoy is a strong physical connection all the time... but I am not a huge fan of "embarrassing levels" of physical contact in public.

Because we love so deeply though, holding hands has become very much a part of our public lives, because it is important to us that we "connect" physically... a lot. If you are married and you have NOT held hands for a while, I encourage you to take advantage of the simple gift of touch. Holding hands can be a very powerful expression of love. Hubby has taught me that we can express to each other nearly as much love in the simple act of holding hands as we can in more intimate moments. No one else is aware of how profoundly personal our hand holding moments "can" be, and I admit that most of the time we are just holding hands... but hubby and I are aware of just how much is communicated in a simple act of reaching out, when there IS something that needs or wants saying.

For many... "holding hands" is too simple, too public, or possibly even too corny... How sad I think those attitudes are. Holding hands in my opinion is a great way to LEARN better communication skills. In our "anything goes" society of physical expression... holding hands is a good way to learn how to communicate in a publicly appropriate way... without embarrassing the rest of the world... And honestly we have learned to say a LOT within those simple touches of public fingertips...

Of course eye contact has also been a big part of our public touch, very often... but after a while we have gotten to where we do not need to see the other person's eyes. In a darkened movie theater or in a car with the driver keeping his/her eyes on the road... we can still communicate volumes of words with a simple touch of hands. After 25 years practicing these hand holding skills we can say, "I'm sorry", "I hurt with you", or "I am scared" (not to mention other things...) without any other communication efforts coming into play. That is a pretty good thing to be able to do, if you ask me...

So, if you aren't taking advantage of hand holding currently in your marriage... or if you are recently engaged... I invite you to try holding hands... Then see just how good you can get at this art of communication....

there's no place like home...

It didn't take ruby slippers to convince me of this truth... but just like Dorothy I am glad to be able to make it home... We got home a couple days earlier than expected from my in-laws, rolling in last evening just after dark...

Things are in place to help hubby's parents with what needs to happen in their care over the next weeks and months as their abilities diminish, which happens in every life. In addition to helping get a few legal issue set in stone, there were a few pieces of jewelry that MIL wanted her grandchildren's families to have, and she gave those to me to bring back... but mostly there was POA paperwork that needed updating, planned decisions that were discussed and agreed upon... and something of a surprise that things went smoother than we could have anticipated... so we headed home before we figured to as well.

It's good to have slept in my own bed after a week on the road... There really IS... "NO place like HOME..."

dedication...

Sonnet XII by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Indeed this very love which is my boast,
And which, when rising up from breast to brow,
Doth crown me with ruby large enow
To draw men's eyes and prove the inner cost,--
This love even, all my worth, to the uttermost,
I should not love withal, unless that thou
Hadst set me an example, shown me how,
When first thine earnest eyes with mine were crossed,
And love called love. And thus, I cannot speak
Of love even, as good thing of my own:
Thy soul hath snatched up mine all faint and weak,
And placed it by thee on a golden throne,--
And that I love (O soul, we must be meek--)
Is by thee only, whom I love alone.

Twenty-Five wonderful years...

~ Wedding Day to Silver Anniversary Day.~
Honestly every day... just keeps getting better!

"Every now and then I know you'll never be the boy you always wanted to be... ... ...
Every now then I know you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am... ... ...
Every now and then I know there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you... ... ...
Every now and then I know there's nothing any better, there's nothing that I just wouldn't do... ... ...
... ... ...A total eclipse of the heart.!"

Happy Anniversary.

Love you.

Marriage Needs Champions...

On this day when so many in our country are voting about the definition of marriage, (which BTW, I believe is correctly defined by the Lord as a man and a woman...) I feel a need to make a statement about how important championing marriage is to our happiness... Not the least of which, is the responsibility I have in my own life to do all I can to make my marriage the BEST it can be... It's actually interesting to me these days in that I don't remember life without hubby... Honestly, I know it sounds like a cliche... but I believe I was just a partial person until I found him when I was 25... he completes my heart...

One of the reasons that we try so hard to talk/listen, is so that we do not lose that gift of completion... In my faith we believe that death cannot take that gift away... but I fear that while on earth sometimes we throw the gift of covenanted, eternal love away... The most committed of husbands and wives often start thinking like each other so it can feel like you don't really need to explain what you mean... but I think that is a mistake... it is STILL important to say, but even MORE important to HEAR what the other person is saying, and maybe especially when you start to think alike... We need to do this listening without interruptions and without second guessing... Effective communication is actually very difficult sometimes.

We have tried to teach our children how to effectively communicate by having similar conversations with them... but with children too, it's not easy to listen, or sometimes to get them to listen when it is important... especially when you don't agree... Hubby grew up in a home where good communication did not exist, in fact almost all true communication was discouraged... so he had to learn how to express his thoughts, and listen with an open mind... he did most of his "personal communication work" in learning many of these lessons before I met him... but these lessons are of course lifetime goals and improvements that we must all keep working at... One thing he did NOT want to do was to raise children with the same issues... so he has really tried to teach them good communication skills, and he is a great listener.

I grew up in a home that was good about talking... but less good about listening... so I have needed to become a much better listener as his wife and as a mother... and to this day I am not nearly as good as I want to be at listening... I know that I just need to stop voicing MY thoughts. I get new lessons in this all the time... I am trying to be open to them. I truly am trying... I do so much better with hubby, probably because I agree with a lot of the things he is saying, and it sounds just a bit "silly sophomorish" but I still think he is "dreamy", I just like to hear his voice...

Keeping marriage young and exciting is a worthy goal... I encourage all married couples to keep working at it... Champion your own marriage if you are married and if you aren't encourage someone that is married to have a better partnership with their spouse and show a greater measure of love and devotion... I believe that in doing for your spouse that which is the thing that is most important to them, that we learn to love more abundantly... I believe in this principle of service that can help you to keep yourself and your spouse working at and championing marriage... by doing things for and with hubby that he likes... never giving up... working together, praying and playing together FOREVER, I believe I will succeed at my goals, and I believe you can succeed too...

on the road again...

While you are reading this entry on the day that it posts I have been away from home for a couple days... Hubby and I left Son2 at home, taking care of the dog and the house... packed up his wonderfully comfortable vehicle for a long drive (the picture below is more how we SEE ourselves traveling not reality...) and we hit the road like a couple of vagabonds... As I mentioned the plan a few days ago, we have gone to Texas to his parents... and we will see what we can do about getting their living situation more "stabilized".
The one really positive thing about this difficult trip??? Hours alone in a car... talking and laughing with hubby... we love being together so much we will actually even take boring road trips as a gift...!!! (Just not the swollen ankles and the swore hips from sitting so much, as a blessing...) [wink] But we don't have any toddlers anymore asking us "how much farther..." so it's all good... as the younger generation says... right?

Love song for my hubby... Fly Me to the Moon...

I'll just bet that YOU did not know that November was the month of love, huh? Well it is...... no... a lot of people think that, but February is just a love-month-wanna-be. November is the month in which we got married and so every year it becomes the month of love and we spend the whole month remembering, and reminding each other of all the great times together... Anyone following this blog who is squeamish about this topic, might want to just stay away till next month... (actually 2008 has been a sort of longer version of our yearly reminders in the month of November, as we have been jointly celebrating all year long, our 25th anniversary...)

With that in mind... I grew up having an appreciation for Frank Sinatra's voice and schmaltz... But I especially learned to love the style and flare of the golden oldie songs of yore, through his music, not just his voice and songs... My mom liked his voice and she had more than one of his records... I remembered listening to beautiful love songs as a young girl, and hoping someday to have someone feel about me the way those songs sung about, and now I have someone that treats me like I always wanted to be treated... Like his world... So with that in mind I want to dedicate this video to hubby... (the Bellagio Fountains aren't half bad either...)

I want to tell him that I love him, and that I appreciate him... more today than yesterday and a TON more yesterday than 25 years ago... and also to tell him that I know I will love him and appreciate him forever and through into eternity, because when I am with him I am just so stinking happy that "I" want to sing my little heart out....! How's that for schmaltz?

*FWIW, I am not that great a singer... be glad I am letting Frankie do the singing...*