more anemia...

...warning, if you are a male family friend reading this, you may not really care to know the info below, even though I tried very hard to be as circumspect as I could... this may be TMI...

I guess I really should have suspected a few days ago when I started feeling really puny again that I would soon be dealing with more female stuff... The PMS is less noticeable the older I get, but the actual effects of continued female cycles is really becoming a serious concern for me. My doctors had planned to complete the hysterectomy I need in late December or early January. That schedule has to be postponed until hubby is more well, because I will be unable to do much for either of us if I am recovering from surgery, and he is unable to fetch and carry. Unfortunately the reality is that each time I go through this (about every 4-5 weeks) the anemia becomes very severe again and I spend the weeks between these cycles trying to rebuild my strength. I don't think I completely got back to ground zero after the last time... and I used so much energy in November on the trip to the in-laws and then hubby's accident, that right now I have no reserves at all...

Heavenly Father gave me great blessings to do what I needed to do during hubby's crisis, but right now I am actually worried by how puny I feel... I can barely stand up. My labs would no doubt indicate that I need a transfusion, but for someone with my health concerns... foreign blood cells carry their own challenges... My body rejects my own tissues... so adding unfamiliar blood to my system might be the worse thing for me... hence the reason I have not already had a transfusion. I have been praying for understanding and help in deciding what to do... but I don't recognize any answers... I feel like I am standing in front of a wall with no doors in it...

Like the critters in "Over the Hedge", I wish I could give this wall a name so that it was not so intimidating... but trying to make light of my health lately is not working... I have tried to keep my sense of humor over the years... but this morning that ability has left me... it's all I can do to just combat the symptoms of the anemia...

I may change my mind later about publishing this journal entry... but for now I'll be honest that I just do not have any idea where to go from here...