new adventures...

Sounds fun, doesn't it...?

Since January I have not worked outside our home. For 8 years while our family went through some really difficult financial struggles and hubby's retraining as a nurse I worked full time and helped to support the family... For about half that time, my body had been in a remission, and I had done fairly well... In April 2005 things changed drastically when hubby and I were in a serious accident involving a careless driver of a runaway vehicle that hit us and forced us off the road into great danger. Miraculously, we were saved from serious injury... but I ended up with some torn tendons in my shoulder and my disease flared badly for months... Life again became a struggle between my body and my immune system...

When last summer my job completely changed, I was able to cut my hours back hoping to hang on to my insurance as long as possible. Nevertheless, in December it became apparent that I could no longer work on any regular level... My declining health issues were rapidly becoming a force I could not control and still maintain our insurance benefits through that employer... another approach needed to be made.

So we made the leap of faith and I stopped working. I have always felt that our family had made the right choice when I went back to work and that it was with the Lord's blessing... I also always felt I would know when the time for giving up the insurance was here... I was not disappointed. I knew with firm confirmation that the time had come that I should be at home with my family more... Hubby mediocre insurance plan was picked up and we changed our approach in my treatment based on those benefits. These changes have meant many adjustments for us financially.

The next few months were a whirlwind of activity with house renovations, and wedding plans... Not to mention that HS senior year activities for Son2 and an anniversary cruise with hubby that were high on the list of important events over the last months... I have described many of those activities in this blog... but what I have not described is my challenge in facing my days that were not happy events. The truth is that many of my days are filled with physical pain...

I hide that pain from everyone... even my family... because to admit how much of the day is filled with hurt is too difficult to voice. I start sounding like and feeling like a whiner... I dislike whining... So my days and thoughts are filled with activities to avoid writing, thinking or talking about pain...

Last night's CES Fireside was something I needed to boost me past a plateau of fear that life would never get better than this... I was reminded that there is joy even inside the days of pain... My children are a wonderful source of joy and comfort... They are fun to be around... and they love me...

Hubby is my heart's desire as companion and the greatest friend I have. He knows me and accepts me, with all my faults and weaknesses. That by itself is an amazing blessing in my life... But at this time in our lives he works and sleeps crazy hours... with my blessing because he is happy and finds great joy and reward in his occupation... My children are grown up now and no longer need me in the same ways they have in the past... I am alone quite a bit and I have the time, (but unfortunately not the health) to do just about anything I want now... the good news is that I have figured out that there is much I CAN do to be happy, useful and productive... without leaving home...

So, (you ask...) what are these new adventures I mention...? They are journeys into an unknown world of discovery... about happy places and fun things I have never tried before... and things I have loved in the past but did not have the time and energy for when I was working... I have already started to do some of them, over the last months... and in the next months I may take more classes... I may digi-scrapbook a lot more... I may help others more with their genealogy (that is a passion I have enjoyed for many years...) I may travel a bit more, despite my doctor's poo-pooing the idea (he is SUCH an old stick in the mud...) And I may just finish/try to get published that book that I started 14 years ago... when my youngest started school...

Whatever adventure I go on that involves leaving home... I will probably not be alone... I will have hubby or my kids or a friend with me... But when I am at home hurting and just trying to avoid the pain... I will sometimes be alone and I have remembered that I have all their prayers and the Lord to help me find ways to be useful and joyful...

And actually, that message today is what I wish to pass on to those I love... You have my prayers... and I want to encourage you in YOUR new adventures...