Daddy sat on the stand in a bishopric for some years when his family was growing up... even as a busy member of a ward somehow dad found time while momma was serving in her callings too, to help her set up the hundreds of quilts that she quilted in our home... honestly during some years their home more often than not, had a quilt in progress... Daddy would do the dishes many nights so that momma's hands wouldn't get irritated in the dish water because that made quilting harder... (When quilting a person's fingertip will get poked over and over again... after a while that fingertip is so sore that everything hurts... especially soapy-greasy dishwater.) In turn momma did many of the things traditional fathers do when daddy was gone...
My mom and dad grew up in an era of society where men were the providers and women took care of the kids... and kids were seen and not heard... but that wasn't how my parents did it... Daddy was the original "involved dad"... who played hard with his kids and could be found helping a teen son tear apart an engine of a "hot-rod" he wished he'd give up... as often as anything else... Hunting, fishing and camping were excuses to be off with US, his children... he taught every one of his five daughters to change the oil in the family station wagon AND enjoy other things... We gardened as a family and ate the stuff sometimes as fast as we picked it in the early days of the harvest... He taught us all how to prune the rose bushes that mom lovingly planted/tended... He taught us how to do so many things, by being right there helping us do it... how he ever found enough time I don't know... It seems to me he was always in leadership... but I never felt cheated by that, and neither did my siblings... He was just like his own dad and his grandfather when it came to involvement with the family. They were the kind of fathers that I think DO come naturally to men if they will listen to their hearts and NOT follow "societal trends".
I tell people (somewhat jokingly, but it is actually pretty true...) that I didn't get married until I found someone like my daddy... However, hubby didn't learn to be a father by example... he was raised by a very disconnected father... my FIL loves hubby's mother very much, but he traveled for business during the years his own children were growing up and both hubby's parents were alcoholics. FIL never figured out how to be a father... fortunately he did figure out how to be a husband. Hubby will tell you that he learned how to be a father by watching the prophet and my father... and a few other righteous men he watched... He noticed the ones that got it right, from all walks of life... He learned how to be a good husband by listening to His Heavenly Father speak to his heart while on his knees for guidance... He certainly didn't leave the process to chance, because he will tell you that our eternal marriage, and the chance to be together forever is too important for that approach. I feel the same way... but I am not nearly as good at this process as he is... I learned that hubby would be the kind of husband and father my own father was by listening to the spirit when I asked while sitting in the Celestial Room of the SL Temple 25 years ago...I asked Heavenly Father if hubby had that kind of potential... I got a VERY firm YES! And I have never once wondered if I made the right choice. As we raised our children and taught about this process we have stressed that ONLY our Father and Savior knows the person you are thinking of marrying... ask Him if you can be happy... and once you decide through revelation that this is a good-right choice work as HARD and as diligently as you can to make it into the BEST marriage in the world, there is no way you won't succeed if you both do that.
I am grateful for the gospel for many reasons... but one reason is because I personally believe that if people will truly live the gospel within their family relationships that they will not make the mistakes that the world inflict on couples and families. This is something that my parents taught their children by example... more than any other way. My dad taught me that the priesthood isn't to "equalize men" cause women are already better... or a tool to rule over the church... It is God's Authority to act in His name here on earth... it is assigned to righteous men in the church to enable them to bless the world. In the hands of ordinary men and women which most of us are... it has no other purpose.. We know it cannot be used to bless the holder, only his family and those he ministers to... for the priesthood to personally bless him, he must call on someone else. In his wisdom God the Father assigned that authority to men... His purposes are not known to me... but I have faith and a personal witness that His order of things is correctly assigned. When couples and families embrace their God given rolls... families and marriages flourish...
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