new adventures...

Sounds fun, doesn't it...?

Since January I have not worked outside our home. For 8 years while our family went through some really difficult financial struggles and hubby's retraining as a nurse I worked full time and helped to support the family... For about half that time, my body had been in a remission, and I had done fairly well... In April 2005 things changed drastically when hubby and I were in a serious accident involving a careless driver of a runaway vehicle that hit us and forced us off the road into great danger. Miraculously, we were saved from serious injury... but I ended up with some torn tendons in my shoulder and my disease flared badly for months... Life again became a struggle between my body and my immune system...

When last summer my job completely changed, I was able to cut my hours back hoping to hang on to my insurance as long as possible. Nevertheless, in December it became apparent that I could no longer work on any regular level... My declining health issues were rapidly becoming a force I could not control and still maintain our insurance benefits through that employer... another approach needed to be made.

So we made the leap of faith and I stopped working. I have always felt that our family had made the right choice when I went back to work and that it was with the Lord's blessing... I also always felt I would know when the time for giving up the insurance was here... I was not disappointed. I knew with firm confirmation that the time had come that I should be at home with my family more... Hubby mediocre insurance plan was picked up and we changed our approach in my treatment based on those benefits. These changes have meant many adjustments for us financially.

The next few months were a whirlwind of activity with house renovations, and wedding plans... Not to mention that HS senior year activities for Son2 and an anniversary cruise with hubby that were high on the list of important events over the last months... I have described many of those activities in this blog... but what I have not described is my challenge in facing my days that were not happy events. The truth is that many of my days are filled with physical pain...

I hide that pain from everyone... even my family... because to admit how much of the day is filled with hurt is too difficult to voice. I start sounding like and feeling like a whiner... I dislike whining... So my days and thoughts are filled with activities to avoid writing, thinking or talking about pain...

Last night's CES Fireside was something I needed to boost me past a plateau of fear that life would never get better than this... I was reminded that there is joy even inside the days of pain... My children are a wonderful source of joy and comfort... They are fun to be around... and they love me...

Hubby is my heart's desire as companion and the greatest friend I have. He knows me and accepts me, with all my faults and weaknesses. That by itself is an amazing blessing in my life... But at this time in our lives he works and sleeps crazy hours... with my blessing because he is happy and finds great joy and reward in his occupation... My children are grown up now and no longer need me in the same ways they have in the past... I am alone quite a bit and I have the time, (but unfortunately not the health) to do just about anything I want now... the good news is that I have figured out that there is much I CAN do to be happy, useful and productive... without leaving home...

So, (you ask...) what are these new adventures I mention...? They are journeys into an unknown world of discovery... about happy places and fun things I have never tried before... and things I have loved in the past but did not have the time and energy for when I was working... I have already started to do some of them, over the last months... and in the next months I may take more classes... I may digi-scrapbook a lot more... I may help others more with their genealogy (that is a passion I have enjoyed for many years...) I may travel a bit more, despite my doctor's poo-pooing the idea (he is SUCH an old stick in the mud...) And I may just finish/try to get published that book that I started 14 years ago... when my youngest started school...

Whatever adventure I go on that involves leaving home... I will probably not be alone... I will have hubby or my kids or a friend with me... But when I am at home hurting and just trying to avoid the pain... I will sometimes be alone and I have remembered that I have all their prayers and the Lord to help me find ways to be useful and joyful...

And actually, that message today is what I wish to pass on to those I love... You have my prayers... and I want to encourage you in YOUR new adventures...

comfort and HOPE...

Tonight... Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles spoke to the Young Adults of the church... I listened to this message of comfort and hope as it was streaming online... PLEASE to any within the realm of my message... take time to hear his words... and open your heart...

I cannot express in my own words how this address to my young adult children, both married and single... has directly answered some prayers I have been supplicating the Lord with...

a tea party...

I really like almost everything Victorian... and the idea of tea parties is appealing to me... I only drink herbal tea... but I really like to go to restaurants where they understand and serve the whole "afternoon tea" set up... While we were in Victoria B.C. we drove by the Empress Hotel (on the sightseeing bus). I was singularly tempted to attend the evening tea they arranged for that day's cruise ship tourists... but the crowds were too large and the prices were too high.

I have come up with a solution to missing that tea... I am going to have a "tea" for my "girls" and my friends... You know the whole shebang... various sandwiches, scones (with butter, clotted cream and jam) plus a few cakes and pastries... and I would like to serve it all on tiered stands. *note to self... call around...*

I need to do this in September, because Princess Bride and Sir Knight are moving away in October. He got a got job that is a great opportunity and so as soon as their lease is up PB will follow her hubby far away from us. I am glad for them and sad for us... September will be a difficult for PB while SK commutes for weekends at home. They will be bless though, of that I am sure.

In the meantime I think we will have a little tea party as a way to pass part of the time... [BIG grin]

my brother's birthday...

Today is my brother's birthday... except he has moved through the veil that we call death, so he doesn't celebrate birthdays any more... It's now been more than 4.5 years since he left us behind... the time has gone surprisingly fast, but every once in a while like on his birthday I suddenly miss his way of making others care... his infectious laugh... and his bigger than life presence in our extended family...

He played Santa for years every Christmas, for all kinds of service organizations... before he was disabled by a massive brain aneurysm. He was with us for another 2+ years after that, but he never really recovered... I'll never forget the call telling us that is was critically ill... it was just before hubby's and my anniversary... he spent months in the hospital... then the next fall his youngest son, a twin, was killed in a motorcycle accident after a careless driver turned his van in front of him... He was wearing a helmet... he was on his way to pick up some extra hours at work, in order to help his mother pay the mountainous medical bills that his father had... Such a wonderful young man... He died within minutes... That was a new challenge for my sister in law that I hardly understood her strength to handle...

When BigBrother too was called home I watched Sissyinlaw manage the loss with faith and fortitude... never questioning the Lord's wisdom... all 5 ft nothing, 89 lbs of her... Where she pulled all that strength from I have no idea... But she spent more time comforting everyone else, than being comforted after both deaths... She is to this day an amazing and faithful woman.

I wanted to take a minute and share what a wonderful brother I have because I have faith I will hug him again... I miss him ... but I know that my loss is not as painful as his own family feels it on days like today... Neverthless, I think of him often and sometimes I still shed tears...

when all else fails...

...get on your knees... This idea isn't new to me, but I guess I needed a new reminder...

I suspect it's my own fault for thinking that things were going pretty good... that the family was coming of age and with it... a season of peace and joy, and a little motherly respite... I suppose I should have known, really... or figured on a new challenge...

So here I am back on my knees again praying for help and understanding... and trying to find my PollyAnna soul...

Say "I am sorry..."

...when you are wrong. Don't qualify, just say it and learn to mean it.

Over the 71.5 years that momma and daddy were married they perfected... (in my not so humble opinion) this concept/quality. I never once heard daddy say to momma... "I'm sorry, but..." Or momma to daddy either for that matter... Because by the time I came along into the family they had been married for 22 years... It boggles my mind to think of having a small child at my age but when my mother turned 50, my little sister was not quite 6... I had turned just 9 the previous December. There were 21 years between my oldest brother's and my youngest sister's births... My brother was on his mission when she was born... My oldest sister was already married, and my oldest nephew is only 15 months younger than sis... Momma literally spent 40 years raising her 8 children, because of our spacing. Something she simply accepted. To me the idea is nearly unfathomable... But one thing that I think was very interesting for the 4 younger children in our family to contemplate was that when they were young... momma and daddy were different people, than when the 4 older children were young.

By the time I could make heads or tails of adult conversations... my parents had become very good at recognizing when they messed up and apologizing for it. I didn't realize at the time how completely unusual this behavior was. I am not talking about apologizing to keep the peace... I am talking about genuinely learning to recognize when you are wrong, accepting your responsibility to make things right and doing all in your power to accomplish that goal.

The first step??? Learn to say "I am sorry" without making excuses for why something happened... because the whys very rarely matter... The reality is that there are ALWAYS valid reasons for why things happen or are done... I think we all recognize that... But, I am not talking about merely not trying to "save face"... I am talking about honestly digging deep into your heart and accepting that what needs to happen in many cases to make things right IS very simple, and we as imperfect beings muck it up with a lot of "buts..."

Let me give you what I think is a great example from my own life... A few years ago hubby and I had our first really serious argument... I remember that we had been married almost 10 years (so I guess it's actually been about 15 years) and honestly this WAS the first serious disagreement we had face as a couple in our marriage... The problems started with something I said... It was unthinking but not really on purpose... Hubby's feelings were hurt that I could be so callous... but he was big about it and when I apologized with a "but" on the end... he accepted my apology even though he could tell I wasn't REALLY sorry at the time... I was thinking to myself... "how could he possibly have 'heard' what I was saying in that manner?" I held back how I really felt and that was... that I didn't really believe that I owed him an apology. For 6 months this caused a minor but apparent rift between us... and then we finally worked through it... it was much more painful then it needed to be... and took so much longer (over a year of running into some underlying feelings in my heart...) But thank heavens that we had put this behind us before I got really sick.. because I am not sure either of us could have lived with ourselves if something were to happen to the other now and we had not learned how to achieve marital peace over the years...

We've have disagreements but rarely serious arguments these days because we learned a while back that life is too short to leave apologies for another day. I also say... on the other side of this equation... if someone apologies to you... GRACIOUSLY accept. EVERYONE will be MUCH happier!

I credit my parents for helping us to learn these 2 important lessons...

love unfeigned...

The Love Unfeigned

O yonge fresshe folkes, he or she,
In which that love up groweth with your age,
Repeyreth hoom from worldly vanitee,
And of your herte up-casteth the visage
To thilke god that after his image
Yow made, and thinketh al nis but a fayre
This world, that passeth sone as floures fayre.

And loveth him, the which that right for love
Upon a cros, our soules for to beye,
First starf, and roos, and sit in hevene a-bove;
For he nil falsen no wight, dar I seye,
That wol his herte al hoolly on him leye.
And sin he best to love is, and most meke,
What nedeth feyned loves for to seke?

Geoffrey Chaucer

a full month...

August was busy... and so much better for me personally than July, for that I am grateful... It was a strengthening month... and a joyful one... And today is a special day for my daughter in law... How blessed I feel to have her as a part of my life... let alone in my son's life...

I have generally thought of August as hot and boring... I may just have to rethink those ideas...

a trip to the temple...

Today I attended the temple with most of the members of my immediate family...

It is really such a blessing to attend the temple with your family... I remember my momma saying something like that... I felt my parents presence also at times today... the veil seemed very thin to me... and I found my heart deeply touched by the sweet peace that the temple brings into my life.

I just wanted to share that it was a glorious day... I thank my Father which is in Heaven for days like this... it was a tiny glimpse into eternity... "Family" is FOREVER, and MINE can be too!

to strip or not to strip...

Okay, get real... you KNEW I didn't mean THAT... he he...

Thinking about my guard dog reminded me that I wanted to learn a different type of grooming. Clipping a schnauzer is the fast way to keep their coats in check, but I have been doing some online research, and I am going to try a grooming technique used by professional groomers on schnauzers... it is called hand stripping/coat rolling... It is a slower grooming technique, but I think it will work with our "loyal friend's" coat... Hopefully I can get him looking like this in a few weeks... (without so much emotional trauma to both of us... he hates the sound of the clippers near his face and ears.)

gifts...

If any of us are imperfect, it is our duty to pray for the gift that will make us perfect. … No man ought to say, ‘Oh, I cannot help this; it is my nature.’ He is not justified in it, for the reason that God has promised to give strength to correct these things, and to give gifts that will eradicate them. If a man lacks wisdom, it is his duty to ask God for wisdom. The same with everything else. That is the design of God concerning His Church. He wants His Saints to be perfected in the truth. For this purpose He gives these gifts, and bestows them upon those who seek after them, in order that they may be a perfect people upon the face of the earth.” ~ (President George Q. Cannon of the First Presidency Millennial Star, Apr. 1894, p. 260.)

guard dog extraordinaire...

Our scruffy little schnauzer thinks he is a guard dog... He thinks he is THE guard dog... you know, the BEST guard dog on the planet...? Really... he thinks he must be... I mean how can YOU doubt it...??? Cats that are trespassing in HIS back yard run faster than a shot in the dark, when he is let out... birds too scatter beyond quickly... so his "king of the heap" mentality just would never believe that he is NOT the very picture of a ferocious guard dog... So it'll be our little secret...

I love my silly little dog... he is sometimes the warm eyes that I actually "converse" with the most... and before you start thinking me nuts... I don't fall into the category of thinking he answers me... thought he does have ways of letting me know certain things.... he keeps me feeling safe at night and we understand each other.... After all, he has trained me very well as to his personal preferences for food, treats, AND when he needs to be let out... which has become ridiculously often... especially when I am NOT in the mood for his "guard dog" approach to life...

He is almost 2 years old now... we got him as a 10 week old puppy, so he and I know each other well... He behaves pretty good most of the time... except when he think he has to become "the guard dog"... then he stops thinking and his little brain goes in the "instinct mode"...

So it has come as quite a surprise that my guard dog is terrified of thunder storms... and I mean TERRIFIED!!!! He hides in my closet... and not even his guard dog instinct can draw him outside until the storm is past... to me that is very funny...

a new look...

I made some layout changes... changed my blog title (not the web address) and played around with a few other elements... I'm not exactly sure I am settled on this template for the long hall, but it fits for now...

an invitation...

I am changing my profile "about me" section... (I also want a new look, so will be choosing some new artwork soon too... but I will start with just some new words about myself for today...) Still... I decided didn't want to loose my invitation to any possible readers to hear more about the gospel... so I am going to save that part which I wrote in days past...

[previously written]: I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have a deep love for, and strong testimony of, the gospel of Jesus Christ and enjoy sharing beliefs and values. I welcome your questions about the church and would be happy to introduce anyone to some missionaries that can bring this wonderful message of Jesus Christ into your home.

more food for thought...

"The sharing of joy, whether physical, emotional, psychic, or intellectual, forms a bridge between the sharers which can be the basis for understanding much of what is not shared between them, and lessens the threat of their difference."

~ Audre Lourde

this is the first year...

...since Son1 was 5... (18 years...) that we didn't have someone in our home attending "regular" school classes at a grade, middle or high school... it is the first time in very a long time that we didn't have a seminary student as well...

It really feels........... weird...

The college starts soon...

to my love...

COLOR MY WORLD (Chicago)

As time goes on I realize
Just what you mean to me
And now, now that you're near
Promise your love
That I've waited to share
And dreams of our moments together
Color my world with hope of loving you...
~
...FOREVER

Say "Thank You"...

...and cultivate genuine gratitude.

It seems a small thing, but one of the things that my parents did a lot of (and so in turn taught us their children to do by example, although this lesson is a lifetime quest...) was acknowledging the efforts of others around them. They always thanked each other verbally for kindnesses and they thanked us as children when we completed assignments for them, or the family... This was more than just politeness though... they were completely appreciative of every effort and service. Even when I was very young, I remember hearing my dad thank my oldest brother for completing a chore that was part of his daily list... it wasn't every day... but the thank-yous happened often enough that I know it was a regular event... And I remember daddy and momma squeezing the other's hand at the dinner table pretty often when one of them would thank the other for something that was a necessity. Dad always made a fuss over a simple meal... Mom always thanked dad profusely when he carried the dirty laundry into the garage where the washing machine was... Because of that I believe they spent a lot of time trying to "outdo" one another... Dad would surprise mom by sweeping the floor before she could "get to it"... she would pack an extra goody in his lunches... daddy was always very thin and keeping weight on him was a chore at times mom used to say... but I think it was one of those little things she just loved having an excuse to do...

These small acts remind me of the scriptural references that we are given which encourage us to have gratitude for everything, and to do the small things that are necessary to have the spirit with us. The small things we are asked to do within a gospel setting are thought of as too simple by some people to be important (FHE, family prayers, etc...) and yet they are the things that keep the spirit alive within our homes.

By the same token, small things such as a genuine thank-you can go a long way to keeping marital "fences" in good repair, and once I start expressing gratitude, the act is contagious... it becomes a "desire" very quickly in fact... a good "desire". I believe from experience in my own marriage that these small acts of gratitude especially verbal thank-yous are like seeds that grow within us AND others... filling our marriages and families with "grateful roots" that form a foundation to rest on during good times... and "ground stability" for the more difficult times, which always come.

The next time you are feeling that things are not going as well as you would like in your marriage or family relationships... look at how often you say thank you to those around you and especially your spouse, if you have one... I'll just bet you are low on your "gratitude meter"...

At least in my own life that is always true.

pain...

...have you ever wondered where pain comes from? To me the idea and actual feelings of pain are somewhat subjective at times. I have a pretty high threshold of pain most of the time... I have learned ways to keep moving and living besides it's pretty constant companionship... and yet every once in a while "pain" becomes a living-breathing enemy.

Today is one of those days...

personal progress...

Each year I read the Book of Mormon, (that's been a personal goal for me for quite a few years now...) I find that each year I take that personal challenge, I do it in a little different way. A few years ago I taught the Adult Gospel Doctrine Class in our ward for a 4 year rotation, (the closest thing to teaching seminary I will probably get due to my health issues.) During each year I learned so much about each course of study that we had, way more than the class... our lessons featuring the Book of Mormon were no different.

For the last year or so I am again teaching Gospel Doctrine lessons, and my class is the oldest youth class which included Son2 for most of a year. We have few active youth in my class. The kids that come participate well and come prepared to class. All have been brought up in the church, have really great parents and are generally strong in their personal faith... respect the priesthood... etc. I suspect they have questions, and challenges that they don't share readily, way more often than I am aware... but they are really good youth and I have thoroughly enjoyed teaching them.

This year our study has been the Book of Mormon... I have felt a desire to really help my class to touch their personal testimonies of the Book of Mormon. So with that in mind... I took a different personal challenge in my reading. I decided that I would not only "read" the chapters each week, I would "listen" to them, every week... I decided to do this because for me two different parts of my brain are affected when I see and hear the same passages... As I was preparing one particular lesson at the beginning of the year I felt singularly frustrated that I could NOT seem to pull together my thoughts... The lesson plan I had outlined seemed disjointed. I still felt unprepared as we met in class. During the opening prayer the YM that was saying it expressed the thought; "that the class will be able to get out of the lesson what Thou wouldst have us learn and understand. That our questions will be answered." At that point my feelings calmed and as I opened my eyes and looked at the lesson all the areas that those youth needed to discuss that day seemed to be bold on the paper, (except you probably understand that this “bolding” was only for my benefit...) We had a wonderful lesson and the spirit was strong. Afterwards that YM from class came up to me and told me that during the last week his friends at school have been dissing the Book of Mormon, in a very challenging way, (this was around the time Mitt Romney was running for president and political discussions surrounding that usually started these events...) Anyway, he said that in class we covered ALL the areas he was still struggling with, and he just wanted to thank me for being their teacher. He had been praying that that day he would get some insight to the answers for the questions he had, after trying all week to answer them himself through personal study, and seminary...

My testimony pounded in my chest, and seemed to fill my being as I listened to the spirit testify to me that; as I try to do my part to prepare for my lessons, that Heavenly Father will always meet me MORE than half-way!!! I feel humbled that He would trust me with these faithful youth that have His work to do, so soon... I am SO grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and all that it brings into my life.

dear Abby, I am NOT...! Part 1...

A while back an acquaintance of mine asked me for some advice about marriage... so... not that I know what I am doing a lot of the time, but... I thought maybe I would take a stab at sharing some of those thoughts... Nevertheless, I make NO promises that my advise will help anyone needing, or NOT needing advise!

That said... I want to get serious for a minute...

Hubby and I have been married for nearly 25 years... some say that is a long time... To me it seems a moment... because we have something I would identify as very special... and I recognize that few couples have that...

But then I had a great example... when my parents passed away almost a year and a half ago they had been married for more than 71 years. Up until her death my daddy still appreciated holding momma's hand, and until her health took her memory of such things... she thought daddy a "handsome devil"... And quite honestly for daddy, momma I believe was an angel of light... she was "the star that he hitched his wagon to", and he never looked back.

During this year-plus since they passed away I have reflected on the things that momma and daddy did in order to keep their marriage young... vital... and thriving. I have started to note these things in my personal journal. It's not enough for me to come close to what they had... I want it ALL, and I want the forever package. I want the whole enchilada~~~! I think that the best way to achieve those goals is to write them down!!!

I decided a while ago to also try to identify in my journal some of the tools my parents used to achieve a happy marriage for the 71.5-SHORT years they shared together in the face of MANY MANY trials, even the trial of having one partner confined to a bed unable to eat on his own and one partner confined to a mind of confusion, unable to think on her own... They were still completely devoted to each other and somehow their love crossed even those difficult physical barriers.

So for those of you interested... watch for a few of my reflections on marriage down the road in this blog...

prayer...

From the FHE manual:

We are all children of God. He loves us and knows our needs, and He wants us to communicate with Him through prayer. We should pray to Him and no one else. The Lord Jesus Christ commanded, "Ye must always pray unto the Father in my name" (3 Nephi 18:19). As we make a habit of approaching God in prayer, we will come to know Him and draw ever nearer to Him. Our desires will become more like His. We will be able to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that He is ready to give if we will but ask in faith.

My children through their short years when we were having gospel discussion as a family here and there have shared insight about how when they were in HS... that without seminary and silent personal prayer often they would have been completely lost walking around the halls between classes because there is so much of the adversary's influence in the populace of that particular world. That always saddened me deeply, and it was not the first time I had heard the concept... still it was hard to know my children were immersed in it.

Over time it has been brought to my mind that while each of my children have probably suffered living among untold levels of evil in their tender short lives already, they are not afraid... and they use the tools that Heavenly Father has given all of us to gain peace, strength, comfort, knowledge, success... and greater faith in the future...

I wish I was more like my kids...

just keep walking...

That which does not kill us makes us stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Another word for "that" in this quote is... exercise... I keep reminding myself it will NOT kill me... [it just feels like it to my hips.]

it's AUGUST......

I mean, it's REALLY August... Where did the last YEAR go??? This time last year Son1 and Sweetee were just dating, Princess Bride was in school and planning her future a little different than she is living right now... Son2 was just starting his last year of HS... I was still working and hubby and I had way more than 6 months to wait until our 2nd honeymoon cruise (although technically we never had a first honeymoon...)

The first of August 2007 was a monumental time for our family... The whole last year has brought about so many changes in our nuclear family it is strange for me to contemplate in a way... good changes for the most part... but definitely VERY different than most of the family imagined...

The one thing that hasn't changed is that my health is irritating... I had hoped that not working would make a bigger difference in the way it responded to treatment... but all that has really changed on that front is that we now have lousy health insurance that covers almost NOTHING! (an even bigger irritant!)

But, don't mind me... it's only August...

a more perfect smile...

After a "3 years and some months" journey Son2 got his braces off today. He is the only child that we have that needed braces... we had a few "adopteds" that wore braces... but this was our only experience with complete responsibility for a child with braces, from start to finish. As another side note I wore braces myself but hubby did not, even though he probably should have.

Another interesting factoid is that Son2 is the only child that got our bad eyesight and wears glasses... Hubby and I have both worn glasses since we were young. Son2 started wearing them in middle school... so maybe he is more like us physically though the other too look more like me... Son2 favors my older brother and hubby's father...

Anyway... Son2 has always been a happy kid... full of smiles and overall I would say he is the clown in the family, most families have one, and surprisingly it is often a younger child... Our baby boy had a wonderful smile since birth, and now that smile is just a bit more perfected...

We decided on braces for him because he had some serious abnormalities in the way his permanent teeth had come in... so now he will have much better success as he goes through life caring for his pearly whites... so we are really glad for the ability to provide braces for him...

He is still getting used to the changes in his mouth... and he'll be talking funny with his retainers in for a bit yet... but overall he is ONE HAPPY CAMPER today and sharing that smile in a much bigger way...

small town postal service...

I really dislike the Post Office... a lot... And right now I dislike them more than usual. Four weeks ago I ordered two pairs of shoes for hubby and one pair for Son2... They were supposed to be here by the 12th, and I took my tracking #s and ask about them at the PO several times between the 10th and the 20th... On the 21st I received an email telling me that for some unexplained reason the PO sent the packages back as undeliverable (but they never tried to deliver them... both my physical address and my PO Box were on the shipping label.) After over a week of haggling with the store... I finally got the shoes sent back to us at the same sale prices and free shipping. Hopefully they will be here in about 5 days.

In the meantime the PO continues to put the wrong mail in my box regularly... but has also sent several "cards" addressed to members of our family back too... It just amazes me that we pay for this lovely service...

time...

“Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't
own it, but you can use it. You can't keep
it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it
you can never get it back.” ~ Harvey MacKay

Right now I feel like time is against me...

UTI...

I have a kidney infection... I can't even count the number I have had this year, let alone in my lifetime.

Because of the backache and over all pain associated with having to be on antibiotics again (and thereby being somewhat toxic because I can't eliminate all the stuff my body should be eliminating due to extenuating health issues)... I began feeling grumpy, tired and defeated the last few days. I tend to bounce back pretty quickly from these emotional down times especially... but the UTI is not better yet. Now my doctor is changing the anti-bs... and I just feel so frustrated today by this whole process.

At least I don't have to worry about missing work...

singing frogs...

...this is not a common sound we hear in our area of the desert southwest, but during the heavy monsoons we get a nice chorus of desert frog song... The last two nights have been amazingly LOUD with the sounds of nature. It has been a really lovely gift.

We have had rain almost every day for over a week now... Even on the days when it didn't rain a lot it's rained some. The land has gobbled up every drop of that moisture... Each day in the morning the ground is almost dry from the rain the day before and very nearly each afternoon we get another heavy wetting that soaks us to a standing water level... only to repeat the the gobbling efforts. What a pleasure that has been. This has been the best monsoon that we have had in many years. I just keep repeating in my prayers over and over how grateful we are.

And then the last two nights have been the added bonus of desert frogs singing us to sleep... lying asleep in the ground for months and months they share their song with the world only when the rains come.... How wondrous our Father in Heaven is in his creations...

...thankful for the rain

Our area of the desert southwest is being blessed with an exceptionally heavy downpour today. We need this storm's drenching gift so much... While it will no doubt cause some inconvenience to some in this area, I am so very, very grateful for the rain.

The dirt/gravel road in front of our home is a river and our sad/needy front yard is a lake, (there are only a few determined little weeds there at present). I found 2 leaks in the ceiling that tell me the roof needs some attention... but we already knew that and I can't even get too worked up about that... it's been sooooo dry here, for sooooo long...

Thank you Heavenly Father for...



our temporary "lake"...








and the temporary river our cars used to drive on...



The washes are running, which means the aquifers will be taking in some water at last.

... bit of wisdom on the 4th.

Quote: Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet. ~ Roger Miller











Happy Birthday America!!!

Strengthening my family...

Quote for today:

Are we diligent in living the commandments of God, without running beyond our strength? Or are we just leisurely strolling along? Are we using our time, talents, and means wisely? Are we focused on the things which matter most? Are we following the inspired counsel of the prophets?

One example of great importance for humanity is strengthening our own families. The principle of family home evening was given to us in 1915. President McKay reminded parents again in 1964 that “no other success can compensate for failure in the home.”2 In 1995 the prophets of our day called upon all the world to strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.3 And in 1999 the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles lovingly stated: “We counsel parents and children to give highest priority to family prayer, family home evening, gospel study and instruction, and wholesome family activities. However worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform.”4

Let us in humility and faith refresh our dedication and our commitment to follow the prophets, seers, and revelators in all diligence. Let us listen and be instructed and edified by those who hold all the keys of the kingdom. And as we listen and follow them, may our hearts be changed that there will be a great desire to do good (see Alma 19:33). Thus we will be pioneers in building a spiritual foundation that will establish the Church in every part of the world, that the gospel of Jesus Christ may become a blessing for each child of God and unite and strengthen our families. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Heeding the Voice of the Prophets,” Ensign, Jul 2008, 4–7

And when my joy is full... then what?

It's taken me 2 months to write this blog entry because I feel fairly emotional about the subject... In early May, Son2 the youngest member of our family officially became an adult... His senior pictures were enough of a wake-up call to me that he was grown up... Still as is bound to happen... in early June, this young man, (my baby boy...) graduated from High School. There was not much fanfare as that is the way he wanted it... but I wanted to express my personal joy over his accomplishments. Of all my children, he received the most worldly accolades and honors as a graduate. His scholarships alone will see him through a tremendous first year of college, and beyond... he is a dedicated hardworking young man that I am very proud to call my son... in the most pure of motherly emotions.

This event brought the family together and his sister's personal "congratulations" tells the story that we all tell... Way to GO!!!

Son2 has grown into a sensitive young man with the heart and soul of an Artist. He sees the world and people of all walks of life though a personal lens that is foreign to me... He is talented in ways that I can only dream of. He is thoughtful in ways that I will miss GREATLY when he is far from home someday. He is tall, handsome, and happy, he is playful and kind... He is a wonderful child, brother and friend, and I am amazed that my Heavenly Father trusted him (and his siblings) to my care as a mother.

These events bring to my remembrance that we (hubby and I) will soon be empty-nesters... That eventuality is less than a year away... Already because of how busy Son2 is our home is empty a lot more than it is noisy, as in years past. So what do I say now...??? That... I am happy to have them all grown... I am ready to have a grown-up family. It's the way I expected it to be...???

To some extent all three comments ARE very true but in a deeper, stranger, more motherly way none of them is at all true. It is a dichotomy that I doubt I will get used to, as least not quickly. I am happy to say that my children, (all of them,) are adults that I “like”. Not all of my friends can say that about their adult children, so I think that is a good thing... They are all people that are responsible (for themselves and others...) Another thing many of my friends can't say about their adult children so I am especially happy to be able to say that. They are all adult people with a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and faith in the Atonement. That is probably the one that means the most to me.

I know that they are not perfect, but then they are very aware that I am not perfect either. (Boy are they aware of THAT!!! he he...) They will all make more mistakes in life as they work towards their own personal and family goals, that is to be expected and is normal... I certainly haven't stopped making my own mistakes, so it's only fair to allow them to make a fair number of their own, and I wouldn't dream of ridiculing them for those mistakes...

But you know... so far none of my kids has made some of the very STUPID mistakes I made as a young adult... and they are all a lot quicker to fix the ones they do make, than I was too... That is something I am please about... for them... I believe that one character strength will make the future a bit easier for them.

Being a mother is not always easy, but my kids have sure made it worth every minute of lost sleep, every monumental worry and heartache... They are the JOY in my heart and the SONG in my soul... So how can I be sad that they will all now go out and start their own lives, homes, families??? I can't... Besides looking forward to the someday of grandchildren, I could not possibly want to keep from them the joys and difficulties being tied to a good spouse for hopefully the eternities and of parenting... And then... letting go...

I think I understand a little bit what our Heavenly Parents must feel...

on happiness...

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. ~~~ Helen Keller

Quote for the Sabbath ~ The Lord's Day

Why has God asked us to honor the Sabbath day? The reasons I think are at least threefold. The first has to do with the physical need for rest and renewing. Obviously God, who created us, would know more than we do of the limits of our physical and nervous energy and strength.

The second reason is, in my opinion, of far greater significance. It has to do with the need for regeneration and the strengthening of our spiritual being. God knows that, left completely to our own devices without regular reminders of our spiritual needs, many would degenerate into the preoccupation of satisfying earthly desires and appetites. This need for physical, mental, and spiritual regeneration is met in large measure by faithful observance of the Sabbath day.

The third reason may be the most important of the three. It has to do with obedience to commandments as an expression of our love for God. Blessed are those who need no reasons other than their love for the Savior to keep his commandments. The response of Adam to the angel who asked Adam why he made a sacrifice unto the Lord is a model for all. Responded Adam, “I know not, save the Lord commanded me.” (Moses 5:6.) James E. Faust, “The Lord’s Day,” Ensign, Nov 1991, 33

I have THE most wonderful husband...

To all of you out there that THINK your hubby is the most wonderful... I'm sorry... I win...

My hubby regularly tells me that he loves me... he regularly mentions that he misses me when he is away from me... even just for a work shift... he regularly plans dates and helps plan weekends away... he very often rubs my feet... and even though I tell him not to waste his personal mad money on them... he regularly brings me flowers... This is not because I am particularly attached to flowers... I like them... but he really likes giving them... and cards... he has become engaged by sappy cards, and looks for just the right one that says just what he wants to say.

These are not occasional blips in his choices or efforts to demonstrate his affection... These are regular events... Often enough that I worry at times that I take for granted how thoughtful he is...

I try to do things in return that speak to him in his language of love... I try to make his favorite meals, leave notes in his lunches... plan a romantic evening... express my own love for him in ways that he will recognize...

Today I got these beautiful yellow roses... The yellow rose within marriage implies sweet domesticity and familiar love. Contentment, everlasting joy and a sense of snugness are what the yellow roses convey. A love that has matured with age and no longer seeks to achieve impossible heights, a relationship secure in the knowledge of its strengths - In marriage the yellow rose stands for steadfast affection.

Along with the roses I received a very sweet card which reads...

For My Wife,
The Love of My Life.

Sometimes I can barely believe
how lucky I am
to be sharing my life with you...

I know a lasting marriage
takes work and compromise,
and yet I feel incredibly lucky
to have found someone
I love more each day
and who I keep falling in love with
over and over through the years.

The world may change around us.
but that doesn't worry me,
because I married the love of my life---
and that makes me
the luckiest man alive.
Happy Anniversary [ALL year] *

*(italic words added.)

I need my head examined...

Sometimes you just bite off more that you can chew... you know? I really gotta quit doing that!!!!

Quote of the day:

Being steadfast and immovable also means that you keep moving forward with “a steadfastness in Christ” (2 Nephi 31:20). Several years ago, I had the opportunity to run the Boston Marathon. I had trained hard and felt I was prepared, but at mile 20 there are hills. The locals call the steepest and longest hill Heartbreak Hill. When I reached that point, I was physically spent. The hill was long, and because I was a novice, I allowed myself to do something no seasoned runner ever does—I started to think negatively. This slowed my pace, so I tried to think positively and visualize the finish line. But as I did this, I suddenly realized that I was in a big city, there were thousands of people lining the route, and I had not made any arrangements to locate my husband at the end of the marathon. I felt lost and alone, and I started to cry. I was wearing a big red T-shirt with the word Utah printed on the front in big block letters. As the spectators saw that I was crying, they would yell, “Keep going, Utah.” “Don’t cry, Utah.” “You’re almost finished, Utah.” But I knew I wasn’t, and I was lost. I also knew that even if I stopped running and dropped out of the race, I would still be lost.

Do any of you ever feel like you’re running up Heartbreak Hill and that even though there are people lining the route, you are alone? That’s how I felt. So I did what every one of you would do—I began to pray right there on that marathon route. I told Heavenly Father that I was alone and that I was on a hill. I told Him that I was discouraged and afraid and that I felt lost. I asked for help and strength to be steadfast and to finish the race. As I continued to run, these words came into my mind:

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.
(“How Firm a Foundation,” Hymns, no. 85)

That sweet answer to my prayer gave me the strength to continue on until I crossed the finish line. And despite my fears, my husband was right there and all was well.

That day I experienced more than a marathon. I learned some important lessons. First of all, never wear a big red shirt with the word Utah printed on it. Second, I learned that no matter how well prepared you think you are, there are hills on the course. I learned that people cheering for you along the way are absolutely essential. I learned again that day that we are never alone. Our Heavenly Father is only a prayer away, and the Holy Ghost is within whispering distance. Elaine S. Dalton, “At All Times, in All Things, and in All Places,” Ensign, May 2008, 116–18

Where are those promised early monsoons???

Heat... It's not something my body does well. So when a few weeks ago the weather people across the state started handing out rumors that we were going to have an early (and very wet) monsoon season. I foolishly took the information to heart.

Typically (meaning historic averages, I suppose) in our area the monsoons start around July 4th... Since that is only a couple weeks away, AND there is NO sign whatsoever that the monsoons will be arriving any time soon... I'd say the weather man MISSED on that prediction... AGAIN...! In AZ I don't see a lot of "right predictions" when it comes to weather actually.

So here we sit, waiting for the rain... relief... intervention... something... Drought conditions continue... and it is HOT... DRY... and windy... UGH...!!!

Seattle Vacation/Alaskan Cruise Part 2 (days 6-10)

Day 6 (Cruise day 3) The coastline coming into Juneau was majestic... We spent part of this Sunday morning watching several family of whales... humpback this time, which we learned was distinguished by the ability to see a tail fin appear just as they make their dive back into the water... I have posted a zoomed picture to share which I discovered as I was editing. That I caught this on camera is purely an accident, I assure you... Still, I am so glad that I got a few photos of the hundreds of whales we saw, as it was an important and glorious part of our trip and experience, it's just that even though I do love photography, I am a true amateur! We saw three kinds of whales on our trip, Orca, Humpback, and a lot of Minke, which were nearly impossible to capture for me with the camera, because mostly all you see is the dorsal fin, like of like a dolphin...

Juneau IMO had the least amount of "history" to see, and since we stayed near the wharf area... Well, we weren't terribly impressed with the commercial sites... but we did have fun as we viewed the houses, stores and shops... all built to withstand winter winds and weather... What we saw the most of was lots of other tourists...

Day 7 (Cruise day 4) Glacier Bay on the other hand was beyond glorious. To me it is one of those places in this world that simply must be "experienced". I was mildly surprised, (but pleasantly assured) that there was little talk by the Park Rangers about Global Warming, since that could have taken up so much of the discourse we were given. The main focus as they took us through the glaciers and gave us interesting information... was on how much we are learning about the earth and it's ability to regenerate life after the ice recedes... they described how that actually happens from studying Glacier Bay. It is true that the Glaciers have receded tremendously in recent years (the last 200)... But there is also greater understanding that Glaciers are how much of what we now call homelands in California and the Northwest were formed...

The Native Tribes have followed the Glaciers for thousands of years, and they tell ancient legends that led to the discovery of places that receded and then were covered in ICE, then receded again... There is in many parts of this group of Scientists the feeling that not all is as Doom and Gloom as they thought just 20 years ago... and the park is simply oh so nice as a place to soak up some of God's natural beauties.

Day 8 (Cruise Day 5) Sitka, AKA Little Russia... What a charming place. One of the first things you see are beautifully built houses and a nice little lighthouse on small pieces of the rocky heavily treed coast. We had to be tendered to the dock... meaning they had to set anchor in the deeper waters and use the ship's life rafts to take us over to and back from the small dock.

We went to an incredible Museum all about the Native Cultures and history, we viewed St Micheal's a Russian Orthodox Church that was wonderfully rebuilt and preserved as best as the members were able, after a devastating fire... The homes are neat and pretty, truly an inspiring place. At every turn we saw really pleasant flower beds and clean little alleyways. Victorian homes that had been turned into galleries and shops. More churches, parks and schools. We would have liked to have wandered around there longer.

Day 9 (Cruise Day 6) I was too tired to spend any time off the ship, but hubby got off in Ketchikan. The town appeared to be really lovely, but several days in a row of site seeing were more than I could stand, and I needed a rest. We were also there for a very short visit (only 4 hours). Knowing what I know now, I think I would not visit Juneau and reserve my strength to take in Ketchikan. As it was I had a wonderful day just relaxing on the ship and reading in a deck chair. This was the one overcast day we had, but it did not actually rain. The information we had was that the annual rainfall is something like 13 FEET a year and we caught this port on one of the 10 days that it had not rained so far in 2008...

Day 10 (Cruise Day 7) Our last port before returning to Seattle was to spend the evening in Victoria B.C on Vancouver Island. Really a lovely experience as well. We took a bus tour of the island and saw the whole thing in a little over 2 hours. Hubby was ready to move, he was so impress with the scenery (of course there were several places we felt that way about, we just could never afford to live there.) The view from the top of one hill was fantastic, so that is the one I will share here... You can see 2 ships in the harbor, the far one was ours.

There is actually one final day of our trip, which was spent traveling home. We disembarked early that morning and made our way to the airport by shuttle. Our flight home was uneventful but long as was the shuttle ride to our home town... So we don't really count that last day as part of the vacation... it was just... the end!

Seattle Vacation/Alaskan Cruise Part 1 (days 1-5)

During the later part of May hubby and I took 10 whole days to be together... This year we will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, but since they don't have Alaskan Cruises the month of our anniversary we booked our cruise in May... We left only a few days after Princess Bride and Sir Knight's wedding.

Day 1: we got to Seattle and rented a car, then we had dinner and drove to a friend's home north of Seattle where we were staying for the first few days of our trip.

Day 2: we went to the Seattle Temple and spent the rest of the day just exploring . Neither of us had ever been to this part of the Northwest and we had a GREAT day...

Day 3: we went to the Museum of Glass in Tacoma. We saw a visiting Artist name Preston Singletary in the Hot Shop, (you can watch a youtube video of him working on a different piece, and in collaboration with another artist,) there are other videos and even some live streaming stuff on the museum's site...) His heritage is Tlingit. (Eskimo, while on our cruise we learned that there are many distinct Eskimo Cultures.) We saw lots of the Tlingit culture's ancient and updated art work and could recognize the beautiful similarities in his work. It really helped to start our Alaska trip in a bang-up way... In this snap of him working his piece is an Orca Sculpture.

Day 4 (Cruise Day 1): We set sail at 4 pm and had fun exploring the ship, ate too much and simply enjoyed spending undivided time together... Something we do NOT get enough of in everyday life. As we left the Port of Seattle we were both struck by the beauty of the day and the wonders of 0ur Heavenly Father's world. I personally have committed myself to taking better care of my small corner of His beautiful and amazing world. We do not have the wonderful seas, but we have many beautiful places that need to be well cared for.

Day 5 (Cruise Day 2): The southern Alaskan Coastline was breathtaking as was most of the scenery we witnessed on our cruise. I took 100s of pictures. Each minute on a cruise ship can be as active (activity enhanced) or as leisurely (quite places abound on board believe it or not...) as you like. We chose to spend our time mostly enjoying the scenery and our time together... We spent many hours just watching whales frolic (there is a group of them in this picture but they were not very close to the ship...) We saw a great deal of wildlife and I would go again in a MINUTE. We talked, laughed and celebrated why we got married 25 years ago... We are STILL best friends!

A mother's love, a daughter's heart...

A Mother's Love
by Helen Steiner Rice.

A Mother's love is something
that no one can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret
like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendoured miracle
man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence
of God's tender guiding hand.

Tribute to my mother...

I ask that your bear with me as I share some thoughts about my mother... my body and soul is quite often weary and weak because of health issues... This last week has brought with it some mothering difficulties I could not have imagined... but I was was thinking about my own momma tonight and reading about last year right after I had just attended my 90 year old mother's funeral where some of her life successes were celebrated... I wrote the following in my journal:

I remember right this minute that I DEEPLY want to be worthy today of an eternal family AND I deeply WANT to endure to the end tomorrow...

Partly, I remembered because of the things that 2 of my mother's g-daughters mentioned in their brief remarks that momma taught them about unconditional love, determination and forever families... Partly, I remembered this because of the choice of music she requested... one of the special musical numbers was "Because I Have Been Given Much". At the cemetery she requested we sing, "As I Have Loved You". It was her last chance to tell us to be good to each other... and love each other... this was a life long effort for her... even now she simply asks us to love & nurture, as she did, without guile, without expectations.

Right now, at this very minute in my life, because of the reminders of the last few days... many of the temptations I personally struggle with, and many of my fears and challenges I have in MY life, are VERY far from my heart... That is because I want to be with my mother again... with a desire I cannot even express in words. I have a renewed strength to do better. I know I won't get to perfection in this life no matter how long I live... momma didn't either... but she never stopped trying, of THAT I am sure! That is one legacy she left her family. We accept her weaknesses as she did ours, but she never stopped trying to do better, and encouraging it in us.

I miss her so much, and she has not even been gone very long... I KNOW, that if I don't return to be with my Heavenly Father/Mother, if I cannot be reunited with daddy & momma, and have hubby and our children as part of our eternities... well... it won't be Heaven or happiness of any kind, for me... it will be hell... THAT will be be the worst community I could imagine... for the ETERNITIES! NO temporary gratification will be worth giving up them... Every missing member of our family will be felt by me... and while I know that I can't get them there... I can get me there, which is what my mother taught me.

Because I have faith... a tiny mustard seed-sized, kernal of faith, planted and nurtured through my mother's example... that the Savior can and WILL do all that He says He will do, I will keep trying... Because it is too important to give up on. I refuse to let the adversary win this one moment, this one hour, this one day. I can do it, minute by minute! I can resist, and I can win the fight... because it is the thing I WANT to do, not because it is something I have to do.

I am truly blessed with the family I was born into... I am also blessed with the family that I now associate with. My children are not actively rebellious, but that seems wildly unfair because momma who was never rebellious had several children that were... me included. Some of my siblings have faced a lifetime of challenges that momma warned us away from... While we are all okay people today and close as a family we are far from all doing what she taught with her own life example. Some of us even actively defy the nature of the things that mom had great faith in... And yet she never lost hope or stopped praying for each of us. She loves each without them being perfect. She was able to grasp a secret, which I believe is that love does not have to be perfectly given and received, it only has to be given as best as you can, and then you let go of it. Don’t keep trying to pull it back. Give it away and let it work in the life of those around you. The Savior can make something of your love that you can’t. But that approach definitely takes great faith.

She once told me that her prayers got longer and longer with each new g-baby, gg-baby... she prayed for each child that she was connected to, until she forgot us all. She seemed to know each struggle... perhaps not the details, but in general, she sensed the ones that were struggling... and she was guided by the spirit to pray for them, to try and love them more, and she did so without guilt as a motivator. I don't remember her ever saying anything to me like (and I certainly gave her times when it would have been earned), "you have disappointed me so deeply that I... (fill in the blank)." So yes, I am aware that she was a treasure... But that isn’t the reason that I write what I did. She is a mother to envy… I know. But she is not alone. Each of us can be the same kind of mother; in fact what my mother would have pointed out is that many probably are.

My mother thought of herself as pretty “un-amazing”. She recognized each of her personal weaknesses, but they weren’t the kind that others of her time struggled with, they weren’t blatantly obvious, but she knew she had them, and she didn’t try to hide them from us. She came from a simpler time, when childhood disease and cancer were killers, but where faith and trust in the Savior was a stronger commodity. She knew she wasn’t perfect, but she didn’t dwell on her failures, she tried to learn and move on.

She was married during the deepest part of the “great depression”, and she once said, that perhaps the depression was easier than a recession because no one had any money. She came from a generation of women that went to work to support families and the country, because fathers and sons went off to war (WWII), and a LOT of them didn't come back. She had many sisters/friends who became war widows, and many in her close family/community were lost to that war. She had two small babies under two when Pearl Harbor was attacked. She raised a family of 8 children on pennies and scraps, because my parent never had much, they spent their years, getting by. She had to work just to make ends meet, I remember when she took in washing and ironing, children from other families and then when her youngest children were small worked to support missionaries, by nursing. She continued to do that for many many years, first at a State Hospital in ID.

One of the extraordinary things about her is that she chose to wake up happy. She once told me that it was not because her life had ever been easy, or because waking up happy came easy to her, but because she wanted to do better tomorrow than she did the day before. She learned through death and at times local destruction in her family and community that earthly things fade and are not permanent... but that life is precious in its eternal and familiar nature. She wasn’t extraordinary because she did extraordinary things; she was extraordinary because she kept fighting to win the battle against discouragement and fear, (the adversary’s favorite weapons). She did it in the face of loss and grief. She was extraordinary because she never stopped trying to love and bless those around her, even when they rejected her efforts. She never “gave up” on her faith while bed ridden at the end of her life for several years and unable to remember who she was. She could still testify of eternal things and she was pleasant and kind to those caring for her, who she didn’t know were her own daughters. I surely should take a page from that chapter of her story.

My mother didn’t write any books, pass any laws, travel the world saving the planet or even raise any famous or particularly amazing children. She was a woman that slogged through 90 years of want and hardship without giving up. She was a woman that kept praying for relief, though it didn’t come in this life. She was EXTRORDINARY because of THAT, and I suspect that you reading this are too! I received a strong witness at her funeral the Heavenly Father accepted my mother’s efforts in this life, just as He very often accepts yours and my best efforts...

Oh how I miss her right now more than a year later... I miss her loving arms... I miss her wisdom... which I feel devoid of at times... I miss her smile, her laughter, and I miss the smell of her skin as I was allowed be cradled to her shoulder to cry out many of life's heartaches in her arms... I MISS her... ~ PA

Is it really Tuesday...?

Do you ever wake up and have a hard time keeping the day of the week straight all DAY?

That has been my day today... Part of my problem is that hubby worked extra shifts this week which were different from his normal shifts. So right off the bat, I kind of lost 2 days cause he didn't get any days off and he wasn't even home sleeping when he should have been during the day...

Then I was on the phone this morning with a friend from church and she made a comment about the weekend being so close... Well from that point it was a hopeless cause...

After hubby got home from work and I started talking about how fast this week went... he looked at me as though to ask, what are you talking about ??????????? and said... "It's only Tuesday..." I felt like I had been in one of those time warps from a bad SciFi movie...

Maybe I just need more sleep............ PA

How did THAT happen???

Officially, all my children are adults... and yet I don't feel like I am old enough myself to have an adult family. One day you just wake up and realize that everyone is "grown up". It's a little bit surreal.

When I was a little girl I remember thinking that I would never be old enough to drive... Even as a teenager the time to go to college, find someone to spend my life with and have kids, seemed a long way from my realities at times... Then as a young married I thought... it's forever till I will be as old as my parents... and here it is... I blinked and I arrived (well not quite as old as my parents... but I am old enough that I no longer wonder what it feels like to get old...) One thing I will say is that it's been a really nice journey...

The getting old part must happen while you sleep, because I don't feel all that different from the way I did as a 20 year old college student... I am wiser and hopefully less ready to hurt myself and others... But I don't FEEL old... at least inside my emotional self... I'll admit that I physically feel some of the creaking of old age and the effects of mortality. But even with those effect I don't "feel" old~!

Hubby and I will be going on a cruise later this month to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, one of those milestones that seemed like it was SO far away 25 years ago when we got married... except now that it is here I realize that spending those years together was the fun part, and more than ever I believe that you DO need to celebrate the milestones as a couple!

As a member of the LDS faith we believe that family and marriage are eternal and that the relationships we build here will last into the eternities, that we can be together forever if we are obedient to the commandments and covenants we make... We also need to accept the Savior's atonement, by repenting when we make mistakes... which we all do, that even though it IS through His grace that we are "saved"... we still have to have faith AND work at our salvation, believing isn't enough by itself.

The church is a source of tremendous comfort and strength for me... and I am not sure how people that do not have the gospel in their lives... (or a basic faith in God at the very least) manage to weather the storms of life. Nevertheless for me, the Gospel and my family is my source of happiness and strength... It feels so good to have this family that I have raised and loved for years around me... I think I understand my mother each year more and more. The things that she spent her time and efforts on during her life involved our family.

Sometimes I forget just what I am working so hard to achieve, and then a big day rolls around and I remember... I remember that the REAL PollyAnna family is doing pretty great and we have good times and happy days on a regular basis. That is a good thing... a VERY good thing.

General Conference

This last weekend most of our family personally attended together some sessions of the 178th Annual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, held in Salt Lake City, Utah on April 5th and 6th 2008.

I am still tired and sore... but my body is at least bearable now. Last night I couldn't even think straight, the pain was pretty awful after such a busy weekend, and with all the traveling. Still, I am really glad we were able to go. We enjoyed the time together and we were really blessed to feel the spirit in abundance.

Over the weekend we were able to get the temple clothes that Princess B and Sir Knight will be married in... As some of us watched the first part of the Saturday Morning ~ Solemn Assembly together by television while taking care of some important errands (I love that many of the public buildings in Utah have the conference broadcast...) and as we participated in sustaining the current prophet and new leaders chosen by the Lord I felt a strong sense of privilege about my membership in the church. After that part was over the rest of the family listened on the radio as we headed to temple square (Son1 & Sweetee were already on Temple Square... ) and finally we spent the last 30 minutes trying to hear over the loud speaker while waiting in line with about 10 thousand other people... LOL... Actually it was not THAT crowded yet outside the Conference Center, but there were a LOT of people like us... people with tickets for the afternoon session of conference waiting our turn to go in to that amazing building. It was a wonderful time for all of us... It was a bit nippy, but not quite FREEZING and the snow that was predicted held off all through the weekend till Monday.

We were sitting right in the center of the building about 20 rows back from the front row... It was AMAZING to be there together. After the session we met up with my brother, my sister in law and one of their daughters to give them a quick hug and introduce Sweetee and Sir Knight... We got food for the men and then they went back over to get in line for the PH session. The girls also ate and went to the hotel, then went back up town to where we could meet up with the men and pick them up...

The men said the PH Session was really amazing and they were sitting about the same # of rows back but quite a bit to the side of center, still they all said that the seats were GREAT. Because of the traffic when we picked them up we ended up on the wrong street and got caught in the TIDAL WAVE of Priesthood filling the streets out of the Conference Center so FAST and filling downtown SLC with a SEA of faithful fathers and sons... it was SOOOOO wonderful to witness...!!!!! And it was something that can not really be described. The next few minutes of finding the men was a bit tense... as they got separated but eventually things worked out fine and we were able to meet up with them all quickly and head back to the hotel, where we ate tons of pizza and sat in the hot tub... the kids swam in the pool...

I actually had the chance to go Sunday morning with my brother because he had some extra tickets, but my legs were not cooperating and I could hardly walk at all after the long day we had Saturday so I called him early and told him I would not be able to make it after all, and I watched the Sunday sessions at the hotel, which was really good too, cause it was a positively FABULOUS hotel... We had tons of pillows and pretty much filled the beds in my room... LOL...

Sunday evening we had dinner with some friends at their home... then some of the kids went up town and took a few pictures with the lights of Temple Square/the grounds behind them. We left pretty early Monday for home, but left late enough that we missed any of the bad road weather, since it started snowing early Monday morning. The roads were pretty clear and except for a few spots where it was snowing heavier (from point of the mountain, to just past Provo, there were a few very white spots...) we didn't really run into any travel worries... It was a wonderful trip. We all missed hubby who had to stay behind to work, but he had a pretty good weekend... He ended up with lots of extra overtime, staying at Son1 & Sweetee's part of the time as they live close to where he works, and pretty much just worked all weekend... He has been watching parts of Conference as his schedule allowed. He actually was able to see quite a bit of it using the internet... What a blessing that is.

It will be days before I am "back to normal"... however as I said I am so very, VERY... glad that we were able to go and be a part of this wonderful opportunity to witness some sessions of General Conference for ourselves. I am so very grateful for my membership in the Lord's Church for all the blessing that membership avails me, and I am grateful for my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

How To Dance In The Rain

When both my parents passed away in 2007 within just a few weeks of each other they had been married for over 70 years. Often for couples of our faith who make it to that momentous milestone, a picture and an announcement is submitted by the family and this was done for my parents... it appeared in the LDS Church News, Fall 2005. All of their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren knew how devoted they were to each other, we were not surprised that they did not stay separated for long after the first went home to Heavenly Father.

Momma lost her ability to recognize who the many of members of her own family were, and even with daddy she was confused as to who he was... But he never stopped loving and supporting her, daily finding the humor and light hearted fun in their difficult health situations. Life for them was hardly pleasant physically, but each actually found something to be cheerful about as often as possible and they'd laugh about their bad memories and failing bodies. To the bitter end, they were both a joy to serve as a family. So it was that at their funerals we truly celebrated their lives, and it was impossible to speak of one without referencing the other. They were inseparably entwined in life, death and for eternity.

In light of all the weddings lately in the family I thought I would post this sweet little story here... It reminds me of daddy's loving treatment of my own momma in her last months of life. It's also really good advice. I don't know who to give the credit for it to... it's just something I received in my email many months ago that I saved to my journal: ~ PA

~~~

How To Dance In The Rain

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch, and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health; he told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is'.

I had to hold back tears as he left; I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, 'That is the kind of love I want in my life'.

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm,
But how to dance in the rain.'